Battle Between Myself and I

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There is a whole world inside my mind that I have barely begun to understand
It’s quaking, frustrated like a child. An angry volcano shaking as a pretense to an eruption
There are walls beyond walls beyond walls in me, guarding my heart
I am in the midst of these walls, separated from my own heart
Wandering in this maze of walls that I don’t remember building
Scared to reach the center
But frustrated that I cannot
My deepest heart is hiding things from me
…And some level of my soul wants to know why no one has come anywhere near my heart
A deeper level of me is growing concerned at how far away I am keeping the world
A deeper level of me is suspicious
And like a confused child, I have no answers
I have to keep lying to myself to keep myself pacified
I can feel a deeper level of me growing tired of standing alone…I feel that level reach for affection
Then the surface of my heart immediately kills any butterflies
The surface being blindly controlled by the deepest cave of my soul
Through the crevices I can see only darkness
My inner feelings hidden from even me
I have clues, but I’ll never really know where these walls came from
I run my fingers over the dusty ancient stone of these invincible structures like an amnesiac
“I built this…” I whisper and gaze as the wind whistles, “…but when? …and why?”
They are too big to destroy; my heart will never shine for anyone but the pen and paper
…what is this? Now I am satisfied, even pleasant about that matter?
Oh, I see. My surface has murdered the blooming butterflies in my heart
As instructed by the mysterious hiatus
The canyon of whispers and secrets beyond these walls
I can’t find my way out of this maze
Even if I were to emerge from this battlefield between my selves, this graveyard of emotion
Even if I were to find the canyons edge and stare into it, I would see nothing beyond the darkness
But the cycle circulates, and I can feel my aroused emotions being exhausted and surrendering
Complacency to fill a void in my heart
But the thirst of live, even life alone, still thrives
Still lives, still yearns





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