Brother

By , Cambridge, MA
it scares me that when i hear your voice riding along those elusive electronic waves i don't recognize it
i hate how i can't picture where you sleep
do you remember in the new house when i was too scared to sleep alone in my new big girl room?
how you slept next to me for 6 months
how you said it was because you pitied me
but when were you ever that nice?
you needed me too.
i miss that.
i wish you knew how great i think you are.
how special.
im glad you're finally happy
im just sad you couldn't find that happiness here
all i ever wanted to be was in your line of sight
but now that im finally tall enough where you don't look straight over my head you're gone
i hate being compared to you
i don't like the labels.
no matter what you think, you don't live in my shadow
remember you can still palm my face
remember you're the artsy one
the rebel
tall dark and handsome
you've got that way with words that will always put me to shame
my point is never valid next to yours
so what if i was the cute baby, heart breaker?
all i ever wanted was to be like you
why do you think i wore your t shirts when i was a baby
why do you think when you're gone i sneak into your room and snuggle into your over sized clothes
the grades don't matter
the sports don't matter
you're so far beyond that
so far above my superficial life
it's all i can do to make steps of accomplishment just to reach you
i wish your protection could keep me from the heart break
i wish i knew how to to listen to you
but when you say leave me alone
my heart says grab onto him and never let him go
and when you say stay away from that boy
my heart says grab onto him and never let him go.
i've learned my most important life lessons from you
i listen to you because i think you're so goddamn cool
but you tell me how to not be like you
how to be well behaved
everything i tell you is so 4 years ago
so boring
so tame
so little
yeah you were the one who found boo dead
was cordoned off in the hunt for the murderer
but you were older
it made you interesting
it made my experiences have less weight
but i also watched donny darko at your 14th birthday to seem cool
and i was there when you learned to drive
when you had frosted tips
comforted you when your surgery made you hallucinate
watched from the shore as you were pounded into the rocks
i was there when you grew up
but you were too busy doing that to notice i was too.
i may be the youngest but as scotty says i have the wisest soul
so one day
when you're ready
i have something you'll want to hear





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