Guardian Angels

March 3, 2011
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Guardian Angels

Six years ago my guardian angel found a home
inside the heart of a little boy.
My guardian angel stored so much love
In that little boys heart,
That he could not survive unless doctors cut some of it away.
There wasn’t even enough room in there for it to beat.
It just thudded deeply
Like the frog in my throat
When I try to pray.

It took quite a while for my angel to find me.
But six years later
On the fourth of july
The fireworks of his smile
Lit up my night sky.
That night was so clear,
We did not even have to try that night.
Not for anything.
My angel let that little boys heart beat just fine.
He sat on my lap
And pushed me down on the sandy ground until my vulnerability
Could not even be questioned anymore.
He had me.

His webbed hands patted
On my naked face.
My angel held so much love in that boy,
He didn’t even have room in his throat for words to come out.
He just squeaked and that was okay because every time he smiled,
Some of that love came pouring out of him and into me.
Pretty soon my belly got full,
Then my legd and my arms and finally my heart,
So much of his love was coming into me
And he still did not falter.

Before I knew it that little boys parents missed him deeply,
And the angel inside had to go back to their house with him.
Because without him that boy would be empty,
And so would I.
We would be entire oceans
With nothing but the salt left in them.
We would be mountains
So high
That the people who tried to reach us

Now every night before I go to sleep,
I say my prayers
With a little P.S at the very end,
Asking my angel to bring that boy back to me next july.
Same time,
Same place.

Last night my eyes batted closed,
Before I even remembered to give that angel my P.S
The little boys face showed up in my dreams.
And I cried because he did not belong there.
He belongs at home with his mother and father,
And brothers and sisters.

You see, the little boys brothers and sisters
All have angels in them as well.
A few moths ago one of the angels
Was called back.
God called that angel inside
Of that other little boy
He tore him out of that boys body,
And left the corpse lying on a hospital bed.
Running on the little bit of love
That the angel forgot to pack up before he left.

One day.
God will call my little boys angel
Home too.
I don’t like to think about that,
But human bodies cannot withstand that kind of love
For very long at all.

I don’t think I like what God is doing to me.
Putting angels in these bodies that cannot handle them.
Its hurts me so fucking much.

I do not know where all of that love goes
When the angels are called home.
I hope,
That a little bit is left inside of my aching belly.

Maybe if it is,
I can fill those empty oceans with it.
Those too high skies.
It wont be enough for everyone to drink
Or for everyone to breath,
But some of us will make it there.
Before God calls us home.
And maybe when God opens up his front door
And offers us some hot tea,
To save our chilling bellies
From freezing.
Our angels will be waiting for us in the bottom
Of those cups.
Home sweet hope.

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