Things were finally getting in line
But my head it was all in a bind
Thinking relapse but wanting recovery
All these emotions i have to handle on my own
Finally remembering i never have to do this alone
I cant get these triggers under control
Looking back NA was always there
Knowing people like me were able to help
I got so many people who care
And all I do I say f*** you
I have to remember I'll always be addicted
Eventually it could have me convicted
Have to get past step four
Looking back who was I, Ew
I hate what this disease has made me
All I know is I need to be something new
I keep scaring, disappointing, and embarrassing my family
This is not what I want,It'll get better eventually
Need to stop reminiscing in the past
Its only going to make me worse
Hey, Next time it may be my last
Looking back I was horrible
I could have been killed, but marijuana was worth the risk
Don't know what I was thinking I was stupid
Apparently I thought it was worth it
Lost all my love, memories, care, everything
I was pushing everyone away
But hell always think just for today
Moment by moment, minute by minute
Looking back that girls not me