People have always claimed that beauty comes naturally to me, that I am lucky to be blessed with the gift of good looks. What strangers don’t realize is that, my beauty is superficial, it is plaster, it is fake. I can’t stand looking in a mirror, afraid of the reflection that screams the truth, I fear wiping off my makeup, of the real me staring back. I get sick to my stomach when I receive compliments, I feel angry at myself for hating what I am. Monster, ugly, not good enough; that is what I truly see. The superficial beauty, my foundation of the world, without it I’d be ugly just another one of those “girls”. Concealor, blush and eyeliner, that is what I truly am.
February 28, 2011