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14 Black Letters

A box,
A pen of white,
wrapping paper to beautiful to throw out.
14 letters in white of
laughter,
tears,
pain.
Your words sing me to sleep,
your songs bring tears to my eyes.
Pain weighs down my heart
Tears trickle down my cheeks.
14 letters on black from my birthday until Halloween,
our favorite holiday.
Through letters we learn about each other.
Each letter a different chapter in our untold lives of
laughter,
tears,
pain.
You close each letter, “I’m dying.”
And I replied “I know. That doesn’t change anything.”
Because it doesn’t.
I’ll still laugh at your dumb jokes.
I’ll still cry at your endings.
I’ll still smile at the way your eyes shine when you smile.
Besides… you’re still here.
Right?
At letter 14 you wrote
“I’ll never forget you. Even… even after.”
And I’ll never forget you.
Because you’ll never let me forget.
Your words still sing me to sleep
Your songs still bring tears to my eyes
The pain sitting on my heart -like a fat toad- will never go away
Tears puddle your old shirt
But nothing changed
Nothing will ever be as it was
Through letters we learned about each other more than we ever thought we could.
Each letter a different chapter in my untold life.
Your story is not mine to tell
But the untold stories of your
laugher,
tears,
pain.
Will forever sing in my heart?
You closed each letter “I’m dying.”
And I replied “I know”
Because I did know.
But I choose not to care.
Because you were still there.
But not now.
Not ever will you be here again.
Never again will I hear your dumb jokes again,
Smile at your huge smile when you where in trouble,
Swing beside you.
Laughter,
Tears,
Pain.
14 black letters…
Gone.
Just like you gone.
And now in that box lie purple ashes and one letter.
The letter that started it all.
The letter I couldn’t burn.
Letter number 1.
Unlike you these things will never be gone.
They’ll be right there under my bed.
But never just…
Gone.



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