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Housekeeping!!
Yes we can.
A simple statement to show you who I really am
I don’t have to make a statement about you
You make a statement about you when you leave a message on my phone that simply says:
goodbye.
And you let the world make a statement for you
when they flip to the discovery channel to find a blessed statue of you on my doorstep,
because that’s how much I meant to you
And the thing is, they made you affordable by putting you on the local channels
Now they hit home runs with their ratings like Mickey Mantle
To all of my heroes I raise one candle
To the one I look up and see walking in sandals
I say thank you god, thank you for putting your face on the television
I say I wish I had the television. Think about your television. The only vision I have is bad vision...
But there is this one vision I do have
Today I visioned they put you on cnn instead
Maybe I was thinking about all the people that didn’t want to see you diminished on fox news
or maybe the people that did want to see you on fox, but couldn’t,
because they would have had to pay an additional 14.99 a month collectively a month
See one reporter curse Obama from the backseat; you lie! enough is enough
… So I’m giving my vote to Donald Trump
Wait, did you just say Donald Trump?
Isn’t he just a lesser version of Ron Paul?
You want a true commander and chief?
That's too bad. We got rid of chiefs a long time ago
And if you’re lucky enough to find one you can see them grazing in the confined pasture
So that they don’t come near my priest and pastor
We replaced their sacred land with Nascar tracks, and we cheer them on faster baby faster !
And I’m no Twister, but I did set the world record for most references to natural disasters in one line: Hurricane Chris.
Give reverence to who brought you this
Earth Wind and Fire first kindled that desire
Now you can find me in the club; holla abaybay!
From the abaybay down to the abyss
To the family that I may never miss
When the radio briefed me I had been their 9th caller
I asked my mom can I be rich and not have to be baller?
Can I play NBA 5 foot 5 and not an inch taller?
That’s when she gently cupped her hand over the speaker
She said money spread like disease: Andrew Speaker
So she whispered in my ear
You think this is loud enough so only you and I can hear?
When you look at me you see me shine like a chandelier
But although things seem it doesn’t mean like they appear
I watch the old man sip on his last can of beer:
Boy let me tell you something sometimes this world just don’t make sense
And if you don’t make dollars then you can't make cents
Look at me close enough can you see the dents?
I called the radio station back; why?
I lost control,
effing effing effing bleeping bleeping bleeping
Oops!
I meant beeping
Like my iphone
Say you have facetime
This poem has something that you don’t have
Baseline.
And I can make hotlines that rhyme at the same time
Like the housekeeping hotline:
"Hi Hello, and thank you for shopping at Modern Slavery, may I take your order?
We have Housekeepers of all ages and colors
Housekeepers that clean and stay in the kitchen like your mother
Housekeepers make your room at day and make your world at night
We have Housekeepers so good they slip you one of those little chocolates under your door at night, so when you wake up you find a little chocolate with a written note attached: Housekeeping!!!
With all of the exclamation points at the end
We have Housekeepers that will be your best friend
Housekeepers with other Housekeepers to lend
Only 9.99 extra!
We have Housekeeping that comes up to clean your room late at night for 20 minutes,
and then calls Housekeeping to clean it up again
*Housekeepers are not responsible if your door is left open and we find your pretty things*
Wait
I can handle my own business
I guess the hardest part when it comes to business is just minding your very own
So don’t you dare touch my business
Unless, of course, you wanna touch my business ?
They say there is no business like show business
And show business is everywhere to witness
Back in my day, god was my witness
Back in my day, there wasn’t a Cleveland Cavalier slogan that read ‘Quitness’
Let me worry about my own fitness
Back in my day, I was my own housekeeper
But god is still my witness
And I am still my own housekeeper
As my poetry heals all sickness
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