Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. I’ve practiced this- heard this- so many times; came to a point where I had actually believed this elementary synopsis. How stupid I must be. Sure I’ll get hit a few times – take a brick to the head: but the bruises and the cuts and the bumps go away. The physical brutality disappears and is left as nothing more but a distant memory, one of which I don’t even feel the pain of. Then there are words. Nice words, painful words: encouraging phrases and sentences that make goose bumps form and my heart clench in woe. Those words engrave themselves into the walls of my skull and beat to the rhythm of my heart. They ALL stay as memories. The pleasant and elegant words are the ones that are a little more blurry. It is the painful, agonizing slogans that burn in my chest as the hot flame of lighter fluid to which they claim to be: Left as nothing more than cigarette burns on my slow-beating callous heart. The words that you have spoken to me have left tattoos of sin and safety upon my snow-white skin. The words that you have spoken to me make me feel all the emotions of the world, emotions that I have yet to uncover the names of. You are my hero, my savior, my guardian angel: Your hands hold me safe and your lips whisper saccharine miracles. You are my torturer, my murderer, my devil: your black eyes pierce my soul and your lips scream acid demise. You are mine. You are everything I have always wanted to be, and more. You are the greatest being I have laid eyes on: You make my body thaw into a thousand spirits when you hold it against your own. When I hear your heart beat, when I feel the loud pulse of desire sweeping through your body, I am at peace. Let me dream of you tonight, so I can wake up with a smile. The words of the great, the words of the evil…. The whole world’s falling apart…. Stand with me, hold my hand – Kiss my lips and let me melt in the scorching sun that is our love for one another. The whole world’s falling apart, yet we’re alone up in heaven, watching it crumble.
February 21, 2011