Panic mode

January 20, 2011
It always rushes back full force
and there's no f--kin' way to breathe
with this feeling of nausea cemented into me

I am your imperfect girl;
and nothing more
I am imperfect and out of place
next to your mistakes that seem to wear an
invisibility cloak that you will never see through
with tired eyes

I've come this far without showing emotion
but I'm teetering on the edge of a breakdown
and every word you mock
is just another slap in the face

and God it hurts like hell,


to be in this house locked behind walls of lies
that never spill because of words that hold me under


"Break up this f--kin' family and I'll make you pay.
I'll make you wish you were never f--kin' born."

I'm smart enough to know how stale the cure is getting,
and I know the truth would never last with you,
because you choose your own reality
to pay attention to

If my thoughts did not graze the page,
I would surely die from heart failure
Failure to love and be loved in return
I honestly don't know why
I try and stay here
The doors of communication are closed
more now than ever,
and I'm making myself sick with all these poisonous thoughts
Enough to drown only myself in

You always accuse me of not taking a step back;
not seeing the world from your eyes
But if you had any idea of what lives behind mine
you wouldn't know,

how I'm still f--kin' alive

I live inside a bubble;
thick and difficult to break
No one's allowed inside,
and I can't get out
because I don't have the strength

Maybe someday will never come,
maybe every word I share with the page is another lie
But if I don't release the demons
I'll have no reason to try

The end will never come fast enough,
and I'm running


out of breath again





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