Closed Eyes

February 15, 2011
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I’m standing, waiting.
Waiting to the ends of the Earth.
Time seems to stop to taunt me.

I’m waiting so long…
That I forget why.
I want to run, run until I can’t go any longer.

I feel alone, trapped.
Like my body is there, only that.
I am going through the motions.

No one understands.
I’m almost sure no one even knows my thoughts.
No one can see the real me with my sorrowed eyes covering up.

I see the faces.
Hear the names.
Yet they mean nothing.

I have an empty feeling in me.
I believe I am alone.
Alone in the crowded places.

I wait for that shred of light.
Sure it’s the way out.
But I get lost in a sea of darkness.
Everything is a blur.
Sometimes I just sit.
Try to figure it out.

While I wait for my beacon of hope,
Sometimes my judgment gets muddled.
I have a shattered heart, covered soul and tear blurred eyes.

Beginning to lose faith and will to live,
There isn’t any way out.
I make a harsh decision.

I think about the rumors that will start at school.
Think about how I won’t have to worry any more.
It doesn’t sound so appalling.

But now something in me tells myself to wait.
Everyone is waiting for something, they just don’t realize it.
No, I am fed up with waiting.

I don’t think people realize what they are waiting for.
I am waiting for a reason to live.
To keep pursuing a pointless want and life.

But why not live?
Even if life isn’t the song we hoped for,
We should dance anyway.

I realize my reason to live.
What I am really waiting for now.
And the reason I couldn’t find it? My eyes were closed.

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