I sit here and ponder what to do. All it seems is that we've become just a distant memory. When I look in your eyes I see you feel it too. You say just maybe we're not meant to be. A thought that has crossed my mind a thousand times. I know I should leave. I know I shouldn't stay with you. I know I'll be better off, but I can't seem to walk away. A part of me is stuck here. Frozen in a moment of time when we were perfect together. When we had no reason to fight. I remember when you were my knight in shining armor. Thoughts of you were enough to keep me warm at night. It's now that thoughts of you are enough to make me cry. I dream of the days when you were the man I loved. I hope and I pray to just wake up. I hate who you have become and I only wish that this all could be undone. My heart is broken and shattered and the more and more you make me suffer the more the girl you loved dies. It seems as though I have nothing left. I can no longer pretend to be her. I know you hate the hollow nothingness I've become but it's only in reaction to the horrid monster you have become. As much as I know I should hate you, I still love you. It sickens me to know that I allow myself to suffer through all this with the false hope that you'll change. I know the truth. I know that you'll never be him again. I know I can't get that man back and yet some how I can't stop trying and fighting for the man I once knew. The man I actually fell in love with. So tell me now what to do. The man I'm in love with is gone and I know he's not coming back. Give me direction on where to go now because I'm lost and I can not be found.
Give Me Direction
February 5, 2011