Death in a Bottle [revised]

February 6, 2011
Drinking his gluttony, lies, and fate,
Consuming all that liquid of hate.
Despair, tears, and bruises surround him.
Drinking away his pain, he numbs them.
Turning his feelings to fake, over his life it’ll take.

Running away from all of his problems,
He picks his poison to sing his anthem.
Misery, scars, and anger devour him.
Drinking away his aches, he numbs them.
Nearing that last breath; nearing the Valley of Death.

To his seat all the way he wobbled,
Pushing the gas full throttle.
Memories – a burnt family tree – flash before him.
He drank away his hurts to deaden them,
Until he went full throttle.

Until he finished his Death in a bottle.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

jamesacolson said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 10:10 am
awsome job i like the way you described death  diddo
alanacarlene replied...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Thank you :)
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Hmmm. I like this a lot! It has a different feel from the original, but I can't decide which I like more! They're both great though :) This rhyme scheme seems to be more organized? But the other is like chaotic and beautiful, which fits the subject matter... I dunno, AMAZING job on both :D

A couple of mine got published (one is a Limerick called Rocker Guy that is REALLY stupid but funny (they're probably not supposed to be THAT dumb, but oh well XD)) and the other is called Swirling W... (more »)

alanacarlene replied...
Feb. 27, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Yeah someone commented on the original death in a bottle about the rhyme scheme and stuff and how they thought i should revise it so I thought well it wouldn't hurt to see what itd sound like it i did so one day when i was bored i rewrote it! lol and yes i'll check em out right now! Thank you!
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