Grey <3

January 26, 2011
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I’m so sick of this place
Everything I used to love
Everything I used to enjoy
All the people who used to care
All that’s going away
I thought it used to be bad
But now
I see
That nothing compares to this feeling
I wake up every morning
To the sound of the radio
And the rain falling
And I get dressed to that sound
Most days I can barley bring myself
To get out of bed
For the days can’t
There’s always a razor sitting near by
And I walk out side
And it’s still dark
And raining
I can’t see
Cause the streetlight doesn’t work
Some mornings I trip
Some morning I don’t
And Lizzy and me talk about the same things ?
the weather (grey and wet)?
my friends (few and far between)?
how’s my arm (still covered in cuts)
And the rain keeps falling
And the bus comes
And we sit next to each other and keep talking
And we get there on time
And we walk to class
And I can’t focus as my teacher talks
I look out the window
And I can see nothing but
Everything here is grey
Class ends
And our break begins
But I don’t have friends to see
So I go straight to class
And the next class starts
And I can barely stay awake
Because I can never sleep
At night
Because my mind is racing

I look outside
And it’s still just grey
And that’s how I feel
I feel grey
And class is over
And Alex finds me
And we walk and talk about what we should do
Because its lunch
And I have homework to do
But I don’t even care anymore
It used to scare me
When I got bad grades
But now
I Just
Don’t care
But sometimes it hits me hard
So I sneak away
And fumble through my backpack
Till I find that Altoid container
That you think is empty
And I find that hidden Razor in it
And I cut a couple times
Just to keep calm
Keep me going
Make me feel all right
But everything around me is still grey
And school is over
And I sit alone on the bus
Because Lizzy doesn’t ride in the afternoons
And I get off and walk up my street
And everything is still grey
And I get home
And I don’t eat
Cause I just eat dinner
Just cause I’m not hungry
And I feel so down
I go in to my room
And cut till my whole forearm is covered
74 red lines
Some deep
Some not
All bleeding
And then I can sleep
And I do
Cause I just keep hoping that
I won’t wake up
So I can stop seeing all this grey

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