I look at you and my anger rages like an ocean, a vast sea of wasted feelings, and precious time. Hurt by the things you say and do to me, and things you don’t think I hear, or you don’t think I’ll find out. They always find their way back to me. And the gaps and oceans between us grow wider and vaster and deeper. As words get between us until neither of us know what to say, and nothing is left to do but turn around, and look the other way. Telling lies to let the other one know who’s not hurt the most when really all it does is tear me up inside. My empty heart is screaming fighting against the currents of love and hate, pulling away from each other, like the moon and the ocean as we grow father apart. I want to talk, to try to work things out and repair the rift that keeps growing. But words get in the way. We get angrier and more frustrated. But how do I explain how I feel. I miss spending the night making crazy videos until we laugh so hard our stomach hurts. And do all the things that used to be important, but are now forbidden because one of us might let our guard down and say or do something that will make the other angry. When truthfully things like dancing, tripping up stairs and strange pictures are things only a best friend can understand. But somehow I sit here and write this, not because I want to but because I have to for you and for myself, the rift seems to heal itself and the ocean doesn’t seem quite so bottomless. And I’m smiling again. Because you always have and I know you always will. It’s that bond that reaches over oceans and repairs torn hearts, something that only a best friend can understand.
January 25, 2011