Dare il tuo amore {Forbidden Love}

January 28, 2011
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It was forever a crime..
Their love deepened on a thin line.
Extinguishing the light
OF the Night..

Then came a last evening..
When dawn approached.
Crashing down their love came..
Dying out.

Forbidden to be they were..
But who would have thought.
It come to all odds.

Lying in a bed of roses and thorns.
Grasping to what was left..
There she sat grieving…..mourning.
Over you in silent death..

All their dreams shattered.
All their matters scattered..
Leaving that faithful girl empty handed...
Her love has been stranded..

Giving up she shall not..
Carrying their secrets to her grave.
To never be caught....
And to then be enslaved.

By what she gave...
Later will she know that her sins.
Will not be saved..


You think this is the end. Do you not?
Well wrong you are.
She stood their wallowing in the shadows..
Giving it one last shot..
She fought for all..This time not to fall..

She found salvation in all her worries..
As she was giving what she wanted all along..
A chance to be herself..
On her own........





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

Coffee said...
Feb. 16, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I thought it was a great poem!! I would give you advice, but i can't think of much, and i don't know that much about poems and stuff so i don't think i would be the best person to get advice from anyway haha
 
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 16, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I really like it. The poem is really soft and meaningful except the line "All their matters scattered" I don't really like, I think it ruins the mood of the poem but otherwise it's perfect!!

 
youngpilot said...
Feb. 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm
wow. Of all the poetry i have  read, this is certianly some of the best. it would totally go with Carrie underwood's just a dream:) great job:)
 
nisirocks replied...
Feb. 15, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Thanks btw i love your story it was amazing!
 
Katsa08 replied...
Feb. 16, 2011 at 7:07 am

Nisirocks: love the poem and the message in it, but, if it were me, I'd like to get a little constructive criticism so, here goes....

1. I know its Free Verse, but some consistency in some of the lines would really draw the reader in.

2. Your flow is really nice and interesting, but I think its on the border between interesting and unusual, and sometimes that drives people away.

 

Hope this helped! You did an amazing job! :)

 
nisirocks replied...
Feb. 16, 2011 at 7:11 am
Thanks so much :) I am open to constructive criticism anytime. Thanks again ;)) 
 
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