I Was, I Am

January 27, 2011
Who I am is far more than just
what I look like,
what I do,
what I say,
or how I act.
Those are a part of me,
but I am also a timid little girl
dancing over all the major issues of life.

I am Pippy Longstocking,
with hair sprayed a violent shade of
vermilion. Jealous of
my friend in her snow white angel costume,
as we skipped door to door
in search of candy.
I am Snow White.
With the cape my
mom meticulously made,
hunched over the sewing machine for hours.
Marching down the
the streets like I owned them
on Halloween.

I am a bluebird
from the Wizard of Oz.
With my hair in a tight bun,
wearing tan ballet slippers
and a bright blue tutu.
I wished I were older,
to dance like a star,
to be Dorothy,
or at least to talk to her.

I am preschool talent show champion-
my talent was jumping
on a trampoline,
in a purple and black unitard.
I was fueled by
my huge audience
of thirty whole people.

I am what I said.
“Across the rainbow sky,
on a lightening good eve.
some fairies came and danced across
the rainbow to some body's
home.” When this
was set to song,
it was never quite forgotten.

I am Lilian Heil.
I was born in Davidson, North Carolina.

Half of my preschool career
was kinder in Australia.
I still remember
the Fairy Princess Shop,
and my joy when I walked
to kinder with my fairy princess
umbrella.

The Schoolhouse that had a red roof,
and that lay near the train tracks was next.
I would go from the morning until
after lunch, because I was part of
Lunch Bunch,
a group of children who brought there lunch from home,
just like the big kids.

I am still that little girl
whose biggest fear
were monsters lurking,
stowed beneath her bed.
Now, the monsters are
no longer confined
to dark corners.
Dracula has a steak through his heart,
the Boogie Man no longer comes here,
and the Tickle Monster won’t dare show its face to me.
These new monsters are much worse,
they are impossible to escape,
they live at school,
on the volleyball court,
at home,
and in my heart.
Yet, I have conquered these monsters,
pushed them back deep into the shadows.
But they aren’t gone,
just in hiding but when they are hiding,
I am happy.

I am a free spirit, with a loud laugh
that is often heard.
I give away smiles and hugs like the sun
gives us light.

Of one thing, I know
I love all that I was,
and all that
I am.





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