Time to Heal

January 24, 2011
By Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
23 articles 21 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain


You try to block out the sounds
Their laughter brings only more pain
You slip off to your dark room, alone
With just the cold and the rain

You shut the door behind you
Don’t bother to turn on a light
You press your face to the window
Gaze out at the water-filled night

The tears you could hide no longer
Drop like frozen stones from your eyes
You dash them away in anger
Not wanting their comforting lies

They tell you you’re hurt, alone and afraid
They tell you your sorrow is real
They tell you that you have a reason to cry
They give you a fake way to heal

Each new tear leaves fresh scars
That tremble wet on your face
Every droplet of despair
Betrays your thoughts as you pace

You hate the lies, the emotions
Hate the things that make you cry
You know there’s no reason save your sin
For the tears that question why

Envy, hurt, and loneliness
A feeling of selfish desire
Spill out with teardrops of ice
And scald you with loathly fire

They tell you you’re hurt, alone and afraid
They tell you your sorrow is real
They tell you that you have a reason to cry
They give you a fake way to heal

Yelling inside, you reject them
Angry for feeling what you hate
Why can’t you be like the others?
Why can’t you sit silent and wait?

The envy you feel tries to crush you
And yet you don’t want the desire
You don’t want that jealous heart
You want to reject the harsh fire

You turn from the rain-drenched window
Brush the last hateful tears from your eyes
You push the emotions back down
Turn your back on the tears and the lies

You know you’re not hurt, alone, or afraid
You know that your sorrow’s not real
You know that you have no reason to cry
You know there’s no fake way to heal

Back down in the lights and the laughter
Your hair hides the scars on your face
Scars of old tears that still threaten
Tears that your eyes yet encase

For although you’re not hurt, alone, or afraid
Although your sorrow’s not real
Although you know you’ve no reason to cry
Your heart still needs time to heal

The author's comments:
I don't often write poetry, although I love it, and when I do, it hardly ever works out properly. This poem is probably the first successful one I have ever written.

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This article has 27 comments.


Eirias SILVER said...
on Jun. 11 2012 at 7:21 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I really wish that you had puntuation . . . It really adds so much to a poem. Many of these lines should be end-stopped, but aren't.

I don't really want to go piece by piece to work with you on this (sorry, but even 5 stanzas is extremely exhausting) so I will just give overall advice.

#1--please puntuacte! There is almost nothing as grating to me as seening a piece with no puntuation--or worse, commas but no periods (I did write a piece once with only 1 period, but I ended every stanza with a semicolon, so that still counts). To me, seeing punctuationless poetry is exactly like seeing punctuationless prose--and it is as hard to fix grammatical mistakes in prose without puntuation as it is to fix stylistic issues in poetry without it.

Quick overview: stanza 3, ln 1 "The tears you could no longer hide" fits the meter a little better. Stanza 5 is a metrical trainwreck. Stanza 6, line 2--I would take out that "hate" and add "little" after "the." "save your sin" is pretty awkward"

stanza 7-- I'm sure there's a better word than "loathly"stanza 10, ln 3 doesn't seem to have enough syllables.

Excellent poetry, but I really wish it was puntuated . . . so many pieces on TeenInk are not puntuated , but how many professional pieces are puntuatonless?


on Jan. 13 2012 at 12:30 am
RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD, Hampton, South Carolina
18 articles 17 photos 159 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

This is so incredible =) I love reading other people's work on here its just so amazing what raw talent there is across America in us teenagers =) this is beautiful i hope my writing will be this good one day

on Oct. 19 2011 at 6:49 pm
TheWordSmith SILVER, Placerville, California
5 articles 0 photos 52 comments
WOW. I love this! I can't believe you don't usually write poetry - this sounds as though it comes from someone who is an experienced poet. I'm adding this to my favorites, for sure!

on Aug. 5 2011 at 11:40 pm
musicispassion PLATINUM, Perris, California
35 articles 0 photos 735 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Life is never easy for those who dream."
There are so many other quotes i need pages to write them

i agree with Love.Hate.Passion. a poem doesn't have to be successful to be considered a poem

on Aug. 4 2011 at 11:41 am
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

You don't usually write poetry?

Pshh. Your like amazing!

Your rhyming was very well done. Awesome job :)


Kai17 GOLD said...
on Jul. 22 2011 at 12:01 pm
Kai17 GOLD, Spokane, Washington
17 articles 5 photos 340 comments

Favorite Quote:
*beepbeep*
"Where to, Miss?"
"To the stars."

This was absolutely amazing. There are days when those scars show up. :P Amazingly done. Cannot wait to read more. (The ':P' was for my days, not the poem, btw.)

on Jul. 8 2011 at 6:43 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

this poem is dark---and edgy. I felt a dark cloud rise over my head when i was reading it. I got encased in her/his gloom. This poem sparks with sad honesty, and it left my mouth dry. I'm being honest, thats a big impact for a poem to have on a person

on Jun. 29 2011 at 7:45 pm
AvengedJasonfoldForever BRONZE, Middletown, Delaware
3 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You are about to die. Scream if you Must." -Fire Emblem character

nice try but it's not a sonnet. A sonnet is much shorter than this and structured differently.

 


on Jun. 22 2011 at 8:56 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This is amazing, it should have been in the magazine.  Again, your imagery is great and your rhyming was flawless.  I can't find anything to criticize.  Good job and keep writing!

on Jun. 8 2011 at 3:36 pm
bookworm29 PLATINUM, Rockville, Maryland
28 articles 2 photos 61 comments
I luv this. But it isnt exactly a free verse poem, its a sonnet. 

on May. 20 2011 at 6:29 pm
Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
23 articles 21 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain

=) Thank you! 

SJ_101 said...
on May. 20 2011 at 6:27 pm
SJ_101, Somewhere, New York
0 articles 0 photos 170 comments

This is one of the best poems I have ever read? How come it isn't in the magazine? LOL! [5 stars!!]

Oh, gosh! This is super good. :) I am so jealous; I wish I could like this. This is professional work, LOL!

 

I agree with the others. You did an excellent job with protraying the scene through your use of words. Every word seemed perfect. I loved the rhyme. :)

 

Honestly, I didn't see anything wrong with it. :)


on Mar. 19 2011 at 12:44 am
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Wow!  Great image, and great rhythm!  I can really relate to this poem, and I think a lot of people can.  You also do a really good job of making abstract ideas concrete images.  Five stars!

PS.  Could you give me feedback on my sci-fi novel White Ribbon?  I would love to read what you think of it.


on Mar. 9 2011 at 12:59 pm
Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
23 articles 21 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain

Thanks! Haha, I have not posted any more poems...I don't write poetry that often, much as I'd like to. I have posted some of the other shorter things I've written, though. =)

on Mar. 9 2011 at 12:57 pm
Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
23 articles 21 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain

thank you =)

on Mar. 9 2011 at 12:54 pm
SomeoneLikeMe, Campbell, New York
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments
You are an amazing poet, and I feel what you were trying to convey through your words.  I am very impressed with this piece, and would like to read more if you have posted any others.

Alia_Tan GOLD said...
on Mar. 4 2011 at 10:55 pm
Alia_Tan GOLD, Elk Grove, California
15 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I gotta right to sing the blues/
gotta right to moan and sigh/
I gotta right to sit and cry" From "I gotta right to sing the blues" By Louis Armstrong

If this was your first success (which im pretty sure its not because this was great!) It was a success in deed! I could totally relate to that situation. Hope you feel better :)

on Mar. 4 2011 at 3:02 pm
soaring_creativity DIAMOND, Wooster, Ohio
50 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Oh mo goshh! I really love this poem so much! It's so good. I feel that it describes the way I feel most of the time. Keep up the great work!! :D

on Feb. 22 2011 at 7:43 pm
Tatiel PLATINUM, Washington, Vermont
23 articles 21 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain

Thanks for your feedback =)

on Feb. 22 2011 at 7:34 pm
That was.....beautiful. I agree with lilmartz though. But besides that....FANTASTIC JOB! 5/5


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