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Big Brother

I walk in the room and smell him
His cologne, which I used to spray
All over his room
When he was a teenager
He had been the fat kid
The boy people picked on
The boy with ADHD
The boy who was always distracted

He often seems goofy but he can be Serious at times
I know he has made mistakes
My parents used to whisper
About how he didn't know how
To handle money
And how he wasn't mature

When my parents were talking
To him on the phone
I would sneak up to the door
And hear them curse him and
His stupidity
I used to wonder how they could
Be so harsh to their one and only
Son, the one who would bear their name

Maybe they felt that he wasn't ready
For the responsibility of being out on His own
But I could feel how sorry
He was for not taking
College seriously and
Partying all night instead
Of hitting the books

He has grown up into a strong, handsome Man
One they can be proud of to
Call their Son
And I, their one and only daughter
Wish I were him

I know that he is able to
Make connections with people that I Never will
I know that he has skin made of stone
And that he doesn't care
What others think of him
And I know that he will
Have a family someday
Who will love and forgive him for his
Dumb mistakes
I am jealous of him
Even though he is
Probably jealous of me
I am his little sister
The one who is foolish
And smart at the same time
The one who can only
Ever be loved by her family
And has no hope of
Her affections ever being returned
By a guy

I wander through the room
That he has recently left
In order to return to the place
He now naturally calls home
It makes me sad
That he could forget me,
And his home town so easily

I see the unmade bed that
He slept in last night
And I am reminded of how
My mother always tells me
That my brother and I have the same
Way of leaving our beds unmade
With the cover turned over, revealing
The sheets underneath
And how we have the same
Expression, the one where
We turn up one side of our mouths
And wrinkle our foreheads

I look and see that he has left his Baseball cap
And I remember that
He loved to play baseball games
With himself just for the stats
He has always loved competitive numbers

But now he is gone
And the hug he gave me before he left
To return to the cold, forbidding
Winter land where he is stationed
Left something to be desired
I would like to spend more time
With him, really get to know him
But I'm sure he would rather
Spend time with his new
Girlfriend, the one
The whole family has met but me
But I think she will be good for him

I hear him say sometimes that
He doesn't like blond haired, blue
Eyed girls, because she was like that,
The woman who broke his heart
And I feel distanced from him and Wonder if
Every time he sees me, he thinks of her
But he should now that I would never
Hurt him, even though I have teased
Him in the past, I love him

He is the funniest guy I know
He always has a witty comment
And swears when he gets blown
Up in his video games, which
I find extremely amusing to watch
He is proud to have one of the top
Thirty scores for one song in rock band
And he likes to watch videos
Involving Japanese pranks
And men in commercials advertising gyms

I tell my two friends
About all the crazy things he does, and All of his weird girlfriends
They find him drop dead funny
And I wish that I was able
To be as good a story teller
As he is, because he makes
Everyone laugh with his
Added hand motions and reactions

I sit on the bed and think of him
The brother that is almost double
My age, the one who seems more
Like a distant uncle than a person
Whose DNA is so similar to mine
Because we are so different
And I wonder how this can be

I love him because it's hard not to
He's too friendly and social
And I bet that no one hates him
The reason that no one hates me
Is because I go out of the way
To make sure they like me
I hope that one day, I will be as Confident and strong as my big brother
And one day, he and I can become friends
Maybe then I won't feel so alone

I look at the clock and wonder what he's
Doing right now
Up in Alaska, on his own
Someday, I want to be like him
I would like to go through a Metamorphosis
Just like the chubby teenage boy
Who sprouted up to be a tall, tough man
Who probably wishes he were as Thoughtful as me
But he doesn't know how distant I feel From the world
I love him, all of him
Because he is my big brother



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