When I was a kid,
no one ever taught me
how to be happy.
I was born to serve God,
not for happiness.

My dad yelled every day.
At night, he’d come in
and sort of apologize
for being a d*** all day,
but it never changed.

When I grew up, too young,
I got a lot of men.
I didn’t mind ‘cause,
well, it felt good, being loved,
but I wondered why.

Did they think I was displeased?
That nothing made me happy?
That’s bulls***, I just
need you more than your love, baby.

I cut myself as a teen
and never felt quite exactly happy.
It was a part of life
that I never liked.

When I thought I was happy,
I screamed to you
over a long land line
staring out
at the sand dune in Arizona.

We were gonna get married
and have three kids
and move to the suburbs,
so when I got home,
I cut myself…a lot.

Then my dad yelled,
and you loved me,
and I knew I would never
be happy.
It f***ing sucked.