Now that I look back I see how I am
Chi;
How I go from blond sun-streaked hair
To dark silky brown,
From jumpers and cookies with grandma
To black mini skirts and skipping meals to remember.
I was two sides of life,
Light and Dark,
Beauty and Radiance-in-whole,
Yet never fully either one.
I am two pieces of one whole that are never present together.
I used to run through fields mid-day and lived to feel
The sun on my face,
Smiling, laughing, living life to the fullest, not a care to be had.
I now run at night under a pale moon,
Clearing my head
Keeping focused on how I wish things to be;
Brooding and cold,
So more sun and giggles
Not things I've out grown, but simply don't need.
I do not thrive on sunshine and hope any longer.
The hopes of being beautiful and in soul and mind
Are what grace has blessed me with;
Physical appearance matters little now.
I've learned to thrive on pain, moon-light and hatred-
The real things in life.
I find beauty in the trappings,
Unlike then.
When I dreamed of Radiance and Barbie-Doll perfection.
Now I sleep like the dead,
Because now I am,
Dead and Dark,
So far from
Life and Light.