no words no meaning no listener

January 13, 2011
By Anonymous

How can I ever thank you I have all these
feelings I can’t ever express I love you so
much you do not understand how much I
love you how can you comprehend it you
just cant you cant understand it I don’t
understand it myself it’s a feeling beyond
words inexpressible no way to say it no
words no words how do I even
say it I want to say it but my feelings are too
deep too complex to transfer into words into
thoughts to even think about it is impossible I can
just feel it in my soul a soulful thought a soulful
feeling doesn’t go into the brain it just
stays there in the soul but I know its there I
want it to be expressible to go into
my brain so I can put it into words so I can
say it how can I say it I can only feel it not
think it how can I say it I need to say it I need
to say it oh god there are no words to say
anything important anything that really
needs to be expressed I wish I wish it was
easier to say things why can I only say the
petty unimportant things what about ideas
from my heart deep down down inside they
are the ones that need to be said but I cant
say it no no no so frustrating I have this
urge in me to say it to get it out of my
system talk I have to talk say it who will
listen who is willing to hear my inner heart’s
feelings why would anyone want to hear
me pour my heart out why no one cares
about me that much no one cares what I
have to say but I do I care about me I would
listen to me if I was another person who
is not me if I were outside myself I could
listen I would I really would listen to
me talk and talk but there are no words to
say oh god there are no words I cant bear
it there are no words big enough a word
becomes meaningless if it is overused say it
too much it loses meaning it loses all
meaning oh god that could happen to any
word any word I want to say how can
I say anything if it all has no meaning there
is no meaning in any word wow I am
panicking now I need to express but I
cant do it especially that no words have
meanings so even if there was a way to
express in words it would mean nothing
nothing no way to say it no hope no hope of
getting it out impossible never ever can
I say anything that has a meaning meaning it
has no meaning at all nothing nothing it all
means nothing no hope no hope words can
never express all I need to say it is in
my mind but it doesn’t translate into speech into
writing I try but it never ever works never it sounds
better in my head when its unformed not fully
formulated into words they disappoint
me words they don’t work for me words fail
for me they are failures why do they fail they
need to succeed so I can speak speak to
whoever will listen but no one will listen so why
bother why even want to speak well I’ll tell
you why its because I just cant stand
it anymore it has to come out of me I am
bursting and I must set it free let it go get it
out of my system so I need to say something that’s
in my soul but no words so frustrating there are
no words big enough for me big enough to contain
it all my dam is going to burst if I cant find
words soon but I will never find words they
will never find meaning and I will never
find a listener never no hope no hope I can
dream about expression but it’s a dream that’s
all it is a dream never to come true but I
love you I love you how can I ever say
it I cant that’s the truth the plain ugly
truth I know it deep down in my soul deep
deep down way down there where the ideas
are the ones without words the ones
I want to say I need to say
how can I say them?

The author's comments:
i wrote this when the feelings welled up inside me and i had to write to let it out and here it is!

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