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The Line

Some are stuck on one side
longing to meet the ones who dared.
Some are stuck on one side
wishing they could turn back time and wear a new face.
Maybe the line is invisible…

Some see a light in the future
and count the days until they can touch it.
Some see raging fire
and savor every last ounce of bliss in their life.
Maybe the line is invisible…

Where does joy
turn to agony?
Where does “I will”
turn into “I did”?
I want to know where the roads cross,
where the path ends,
where my life meets yours.

Where do fun and games
turn into pain and crime?

Maybe the line is invisible…



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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

WriterFanatic This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:42 pm:

Very Good! But the last line lost flow a little. 

Try more descriptive words

Like agony instead of crime

Keep it up=)

 
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iJake96 said...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:19 pm:

Laura

This was great! Normally in a poem you don't get a build up but I felt as if it got better and more exciting towards the end. I especially liked the part when you said "Some see a light in the future / and count the days until they can touch it..." That was my favorite part. Really, really great. Can't wait to see more of your work.

 
lilworkerbeee replied...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:25 pm :
thanks jakee =]
 
Jake F. replied...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:32 pm :
You inspired me I'm making an account. I'll post an excerpt from Chapter 4 for you and the public later. Do you want me to advertise your account on Facebook so our friends will see. I think they'll like it.
 
lilworkerbeee replied...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:37 pm :

thats cool i hope you post some cool stuff

but um no thanks...id rather this totally be annonymous except for you knowing...please dont say anything? nobody else knows i write....

 
iJake96 replied...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:48 pm :
Ok I understand...You shouldn't be ashamed because this is really good but whatever you say Haha
 
WinterFairy replied...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm :
Really great stuff! :D
 
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