Unchanged Man

January 5, 2011
By Anonymous

If someone told me what challenges that I’m going to face
I wouldn’t believe them
If someone told me what obstacles I have to battle through
I wouldn’t believe them
If someone told me the dramas I will have to deal with
I wouldn’t believe them
If someone told me some outrageous things that I’m going to do
I wouldn’t believe them
If someone told me that I’m going to win the lottery
I wouldn’t believe them
If someone told me some bulls***
I would believe them
If someone told me something
I would believe them
What’s there left to believe in
when someone tell you something that’s hard to take
When you closed one door, another one opens
This door is on locked down
the light is so bright that I need sunglasses so it won’t
damaged my heart
but something is trying to break in
that I’m seeing wounds in certain parts that crept up on me

18 years have gone by
You did notice how fast time flies by
You wasn’t high or drunk enough to remember that
It was just…… you didn’t try hard enough

as you say you did
to look for your only daughters
as many fathers I’ve seen to look for their daughters
they wouldn’t have people do their dirty work
for them
they would get on their hands and knees
to scrape up blood of paper trails
they know where to look

the number of times I’ve seen in movies
My girl, Parent trap, What a Girl Wants
and What a Women Wants and so on
The number of times I’ve seen tv shows Sister Sister, Sweet sixteen,
My Wife and Kids and so on
It makes me think about what the feeling
of being a daddy’s girl all my life
Now that I’m older
It doesn’t matter
time after time
I can catch myself without falling
but I tend to trip
day by day makes me think
is this worth fighting for to watch
the clouds go by
an I wonder is this legit
is it all a dream or a beautiful nightmare?
I’m not going to stand around and wait
because that’s just not me

In my eyes I see what my mom sees
what auntie alpha sees
what uncle Roy, uncle Eric, uncle Gary sees
what grandma sees
that you haven’t change a bit
your not strapped up in an orange jumpsuit
your not dead and gone
your not running the streets as if you King Solomon
you maybe still sipping that dirty water
the nicotine has gotten you so high
your feet is so far off the ground that you can’t see reality
every word is said
every word is heard
every word is read
taking it to heart is what I’ll do
you being close to the casket isn’t what occurred to me
not because you’re my father
but because I didn’t get the chance to know you as a person
I’m not some kid off the street, I’m your daughter
Its sad to say that I rather talk to the rest of the family
Than you
The picture of you in the jean jacket
with you holding me in
the tacky sweat suit
is something I can’t seem to bear to look at.

The author's comments:
its how i feel after i talked to my father for awhile

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