When I look in the mirror do you know what I see ?
I see you my mother I mean we have the same hazel eye's same noise …
but the only thing is I am here and you not..
your in what people say is heaven
even though I remember those past three year like it was just yesterday
seeing you in that hospital bed
or those tube in your noise and needles in your pale white skin.
Those haunt nightmares for the past three years
the color fading from your skin the light in your eye's fading as well
as I grow I am now 16 years old .
I do the cutting and the drugs
yes the drugs
the drugs that killed you
the cutting is just names your names
sometimes I wonder why you had to leave me the way you did
you should be here with me and the rest of the family
I miss you very much
I took it the hardest I mean look at me I am a cutter and a druggie
but I will never forget those haunting words that you said that day
“ Pookiey Bear I love you so much”
then you kissed my lips I pulled away and wiped it off
then that night came it was 11:00 p.m and nana was crying
I walked into the living room she told me to go back to bed
but I didn't lesion I hid from her then it came the news of your death
nana fell to her knee's so did I tears ran down my face
ever since that night I have not cried it is like I forgot to cry
I woke up Tristan and Spirit from there sleep that night they didn't know what had happened
so they fell back to sleep
the next day came and that was the hardest this I know for a fact
the week came on fast and the funeral was here
I remember that day as well
it was gloomy and sad
they put you in the ground and I just watched I didn't say anything or even cry like everyone else did
as the year came by I met him my real father
he is nice and funny
he loves me and I love him
I moved to live with him and left everything behind to start a new life
where no drugs or cutting could happen
but sure an off it followed
I am now seeing a nice women a counselor
she is helping me stop but I can never get you out of my mind
I think about you in every way you could dream of
I wish you were here and maybe then I could stop this madness in this life
but your not here to help maybe in my dreams and thoughts
I am not alone I just now it I know your looking down on me thinking
“That is my Pookie Bear”
I miss your voice
a voice of kindness and hope
and you loving hugs
ill see you to night in my dreams if they are not the nightmares of you In that bed with tubes and needles in your pale skin
please let me sleep with a dream of kindness just for once my dear mother