January 5, 2011
Lonely. It's what I feel all the time...It's what I'm feeling right now...Knowing that I have no one to love me.

Why can't anyone fill this empty hole in my chest where my heart should be? I don't understand why I can't get anyone to love me like I need them to. Everyone's telling me to wait...Everyone's telling me that I have someone out there waiting for me...Well guess what: I'm not buying it. How can I ever believe that my soul mate is waiting for me like I'm waiting for him when all anyone makes me feel is lonely?! I can't. It’s impossible. I can't just believe that when I have no proof! I can't just believe it when all I’m feeling is worthless around every guy I meet!

They have no issues flirting with every other girl they meet...So why can't anyone flirt with me? Why? I don't get it!

Waiting for the one I'm destined to be with is making me impatient...And more and more lonely every time I think about it!

“Lonely” hurts. Bad. I’m tired of being alone…I’m tired of hearing that I’m beautiful because I feel like I’m not. I know that if I was truly beautiful I would have someone. I would have someone to hold me. I would have someone to say “I love you” and mean it. I would have someone want to be with me…But it hasn’t happened…And I’m afraid it never will…So PLEASE quit telling me that I’m pretty…Because I’m sick of hearing that same lie over and over! I’m tired of it! So just STOP!

I don’t want to hurt like this….I don’t want to feel alone…to BE alone…I want to believe what everyone’s telling me. That there’s someone waiting who will love me for what’s inside and my looks don’t matter. Well they do. Looks matter…People don’t want a crooked smile…People don’t want natural hair colors…People don’t WANT to be with someone totally unpopular…People don’t want pale skin. I’ll tell you what they do want.

They want a perfect smile. They want dyed hair. They want to be known for being with someone popular. They want fake tans.

I make mistakes…And they set me apart from the rest. I’m not popular and I don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s time.

So give me proof that a guy that wants me exists…Because until then…I’m going to keep being lonely…

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