the last i saw him

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i was still a young child
still trying to learn about my life
still trying to expirence new expirences
I still remeber him in the back of a police car
not knowing what was going to happen
i was on my knees begging and crying to give my dad one last hug
i knew i was not going to be able to see him ever again
the officer did not let me
i was crying and begging please please please
yet nomatter what i said they still would not let me
i was not able to sleep that niqht
those memrmoire still replay in my head like a movie
every moment ,second, move and word that was made
theirs a play and rewind button
but theirs not a fastforward one
i wanna get away from that memory
i dont want to remeber that day anymore





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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

MissLynn said...
Jan. 11, 2011 at 10:21 am
This was really intense. When I read it I couldn't help but be  affected. You conveyed the pain you were feeling so well.
 
ellie315 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 11, 2011 at 12:48 am

Very descriptive! :) I gave it 4 stars because I felt that there was some wordiness that just didn't benefit the story being told...it just cluttered the piece. Also, there were a few misspellings that just made it kind of....it made it look/sound like you didn't really care, makes it sloppy; if you take the time to double check and make sure everything is a-okay, your poem will be much more professional.

good job!!!

 
Seelix said...
Jan. 10, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Your writing is very discriptive the reader realy connects with the narrator. Good job!
 
writingrocks This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 10, 2011 at 3:34 pm
This poem made tears come to my eyes! I love how the narrator was on her/his knees. Please read my poem, "Learn," and comment on how it should be fixed!
 
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