the last i saw him

January 9, 2011
By tabiiluvsu SILVER, Los Angeles, California
tabiiluvsu SILVER, Los Angeles, California
9 articles 1 photo 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
the only person you can be is yourself. the same person you can depend on


i was still a young child
still trying to learn about my life
still trying to expirence new expirences
I still remeber him in the back of a police car
not knowing what was going to happen
i was on my knees begging and crying to give my dad one last hug
i knew i was not going to be able to see him ever again
the officer did not let me
i was crying and begging please please please
yet nomatter what i said they still would not let me
i was not able to sleep that niqht
those memrmoire still replay in my head like a movie
every moment ,second, move and word that was made
theirs a play and rewind button
but theirs not a fastforward one
i wanna get away from that memory
i dont want to remeber that day anymore



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This article has 4 comments.


on Jan. 11 2011 at 10:21 am
MissLynn BRONZE, Hampton, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never say never but don't say forever.

This was really intense. When I read it I couldn't help but be  affected. You conveyed the pain you were feeling so well.

ellie315 GOLD said...
on Jan. 11 2011 at 12:48 am
ellie315 GOLD, South Pasadena, California
10 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." -- William Shakespeare

Very descriptive! :) I gave it 4 stars because I felt that there was some wordiness that just didn't benefit the story being told...it just cluttered the piece. Also, there were a few misspellings that just made it kind of....it made it look/sound like you didn't really care, makes it sloppy; if you take the time to double check and make sure everything is a-okay, your poem will be much more professional.

good job!!!


on Jan. 10 2011 at 10:00 pm
Seelix PLATINUM, Chandler, Arizona
20 articles 3 photos 72 comments
Your writing is very discriptive the reader realy connects with the narrator. Good job!

on Jan. 10 2011 at 3:34 pm
writingrocks GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
16 articles 23 photos 145 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have to learn to love yourself before you learn to love others."

This poem made tears come to my eyes! I love how the narrator was on her/his knees. Please read my poem, "Learn," and comment on how it should be fixed!


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