Dead End For A Hypocrytical Believer

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I'm a bit of a believer, yet I'm not.
I believe in love, but I don't believe in love for me,
and me pushing you away, well, it means I've fallen for you.
I don't believe in happy endings for myself though,
so the faster you leave, the less I'll get hurt,
and the faster I'll be able to prove to myself that I was right all along.
for me, there's no such thing as true love.
me pushing you away means I'm scared,
more scared than you could ever imagine.
there's just something about you,
something different,
genuine.
It scares me,
everything you say and do scares me.
every time you utter a few sweet words,
I feel like running and hiding,
telling myself
"this cant be true, this isn't real"
trying to save myself from what will surely soon be heartbreak,
again leaving me in a lost lonely whirlwind of pure darkness,
pure black abyss
leaving me at an infinite dead end.





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