ode to you. the only one ill take.

December 20, 2010
Your mom didn't want us together.
i wont take anyone but you
your dad didn't like me
he pictured me as a young him
my mom didn't like you, she said your were much too old to be going out with me
We tried pulling away from each other once...
you told me specifically: Cody please lets stay friends, im lost without you. the second time i didnt believe you could do it.
but you did. and i know it hurt you as much as it hurt me.
you were the first person to show compassion.
you said you were a monster i said no your beautiful.
you asked me why i specifically cared about you the way i do and not another girl.
i said because you are the most gorgeous beautiful amazing human being on the earth.
we started flirting every day.
at one point i told you i loved you everyday.
i meant it.
Did you mean it when you told me you love me back?
where are you?
nowadays i cant sleep. partly because of your absence partly because of the fact i cant protect you. partly because of the fact that this disease is taking over my life. Fibrohell is what they nicknamed the pain of the disease.
even when i do get sleep it doesn't help, partly because i dont rejuvenate because of the disease, partly cause of the dreams i have. i wake up with adrenaline pumping and a panic attack going.
I have so much stress and anxiety with me now. and your not here to help. We talked about running away and getting married when i was just 14.
Rachael that angel how fateful life was. maybe your touch was fatal. because its been painful but all i remember is how graceful you were, dancing with the fer-breeze in your hand. and how playful were when we were hangin. oh Rachael i dont know if you can comprehend how beautiful those hazel eyes are to me

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