A Perfect Society

Just another day,
in a perfect society,
just another day,
looking at the pretty,
decorated clock face,
not seeing the rusted gears and mechanisms,
hidden behind it,

the world's not perfect,
and never will be,
utopia's don't exist.





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This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

SamiLou said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:59 pm

oh my gosh! i write a poem that sounds very similar to this and i totally agree with the whole message! I don't know if i really like the title, i was thinking of chanigng it, any ideas?

Rainbow World

Don’t bother me

I’m alone

In a world

Where no one

Can hurt me

Not you

Not me

Not even him

Not any one

I wish this were life

But love and life

Go hand and hand

And love and ... (more »)

 
SamiLou replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm
SORRY! i didnt mean to post that twice!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Thank you! And your poem was good. I'm not sure how the title connects though.
 
SamiLou replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 7:23 pm
the title is suppsed to relate to the beggining and sort of be ironic... i say "in a world where no one can hurt me" thats the rainbow world
 
beach said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm
i personally dont think it is too short, it is really good, but i think u could have changed the endings just a little, and cut out the utopia thing. But besides that, it is wonderful, one of my favorite poems by you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Thanks! :)
 
beach replied...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm
no problem!!!!!!!!
 
HighOnEverythingButLove said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 5:20 am
Its good but it felt cut off to short.
 
Raytheraym replied...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Thanks. It is short.
 
TwinDemons said...
Mar. 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm
So true, love it!!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Thanks! :)
 
SpringRayyn said...
Feb. 14, 2011 at 9:22 pm
The last line is good. I like the metaphor with the clock. I personally myself don't like clocks, so that makes it even better.
 
Raytheraym replied...
Feb. 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Thanks! :)
 
lilmartz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 8:37 am
With the two stanzas separate, I like this. I'm sure if you added a couple stanzas in between it would flow better, but they didn't seem to really go together. Afer the first stanza, I thought you were going to talk about how we don't see/notice the work people do "behind the scenes" that make the world a better place. I just feel like something is missing, and I would love to see how you could connect the two stanzas together. Keep up the good work :)
 
Raytheraym replied...
Feb. 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Thank you!
 
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