A Perfect Society

December 24, 2010
By Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments

Just another day,
in a perfect society,
just another day,
looking at the pretty,
decorated clock face,
not seeing the rusted gears and mechanisms,
hidden behind it,

the world's not perfect,
and never will be,
utopia's don't exist.


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This article has 15 comments.


SamiLou SILVER said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 7:23 pm
SamiLou SILVER, Lee&#39s Summit, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia"
-John Green (Looking For Alaska)

the title is suppsed to relate to the beggining and sort of be ironic... i say "in a world where no one can hurt me" thats the rainbow world

on Jun. 6 2011 at 6:57 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thank you! And your poem was good. I'm not sure how the title connects though.

SamiLou SILVER said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 3:00 pm
SamiLou SILVER, Lee&#39s Summit, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia"
-John Green (Looking For Alaska)

SORRY! i didnt mean to post that twice!

SamiLou SILVER said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 2:59 pm
SamiLou SILVER, Lee&#39s Summit, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia"
-John Green (Looking For Alaska)

oh my gosh! i write a poem that sounds very similar to this and i totally agree with the whole message! I don't know if i really like the title, i was thinking of chanigng it, any ideas?

Rainbow World

Don’t bother me

I’m alone

In a world

Where no one

Can hurt me

Not you

Not me

Not even him

Not any one

I wish this were life

But love and life

Go hand and hand

And love and pain

As well

You can’t just

Take the good

And leave the bad behind


on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:36 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thanks! :)

on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:34 pm
Beachgirl1 PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
32 articles 4 photos 178 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If You Don't Fight Back, You've Already Lost."
"Don't suppress Laughter, it goes to your thighs."

no problem!!!!!!!!

on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:33 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thanks! :)

on Mar. 13 2011 at 1:54 pm
Beachgirl1 PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
32 articles 4 photos 178 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If You Don't Fight Back, You've Already Lost."
"Don't suppress Laughter, it goes to your thighs."

i personally dont think it is too short, it is really good, but i think u could have changed the endings just a little, and cut out the utopia thing. But besides that, it is wonderful, one of my favorite poems by you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Mar. 9 2011 at 3:42 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thanks. It is short.

on Mar. 9 2011 at 5:20 am
Cammie45874 SILVER, Ohio City, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 25 comments
Its good but it felt cut off to short.

on Mar. 6 2011 at 2:02 pm
LittleMidnight PLATINUM, Glendale, Arizona
28 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is but a book just waiting to be filled, you make your own story

So true, love it!!

on Feb. 15 2011 at 4:12 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thank you!

on Feb. 15 2011 at 4:10 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thanks! :)

on Feb. 14 2011 at 9:22 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

The last line is good. I like the metaphor with the clock. I personally myself don't like clocks, so that makes it even better.

on Feb. 11 2011 at 8:37 am
lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
40 articles 5 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Life Like A Party That Never Ends

With the two stanzas separate, I like this. I'm sure if you added a couple stanzas in between it would flow better, but they didn't seem to really go together. Afer the first stanza, I thought you were going to talk about how we don't see/notice the work people do "behind the scenes" that make the world a better place. I just feel like something is missing, and I would love to see how you could connect the two stanzas together. Keep up the good work :)


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