I wrote this poem for you.
Because as I hear from someone else that you’re on your way down,
I remember the difference between who you are
and who you were trying to be,
and as I see your caramel skin tint to blue with the cold of winter,
I’ll think of how your empty embrace is only the first layer to shield me
from the biting wind.
I’ll remember how you always picked the wrong time to say what you mean
with a ribbon of detachment tying up all your broken promises,
you looked at me without seeing.
When I abandon my moral resolve, I’ll repent-
The harsh reminders of the choices you made
rub sand paper burns into my skin,
a pressure that reminds me of the day
you decided you would rather blow trees than be with me
maybe you’ll remember i gave you the choice: me or weed
you chose option C
but I could’ve got you higher.
When you’re sick of all her sugar-plastered words,
sickening you until you’re laying on someone else’s bathroom floor
covered in your own messy pastry love,
thinking of how my return would’ve been good enough,
when you’re calling with the apologies you never let me get away with
I’ll remember how you let your hand slip from mine for the last time
and walked away.
Baby, I begged you to stay.
When I see those liquid brown eyes, I’ll remember how easily
I collapsed in your smiles
as you etched rebellion into my hips and love into my mind,
I fell into life-
but Mama always taught me to color within the lines,
and the fire in your eyes died when you were saying goodbye.
I could say I’m sorry a thousand times, but you don’t hear me
I could cry a million tears, but you don’t see me
Happy anniversary,
here’s to hoping 4 months can erase 4 years.