Observation 8

December 9, 2010
By Anonymous

I came to a new place
and there was nobody like you there
and i thought that was a good thing

I thought that was a good thing
because then no one would remind me
of the obnoxious way you contradict
everything I say, grinning
and your annoying idiosyncrasies
and everything that matches me
in the strangest most uncanny way

and i thought
I would change, coming to college
and all the research and recklessness
new friends and gourmet foods
would phase you out of my brain
and the opposite happened

I thought if i could convince myself
that dimples are cute
I would forget that your smile
doesn't need them
to completely send my train of thought
off the tracks
and leave me standing there
It’s disgusting..

I was naive
and tried to dump my feelings
on someone else
he trampled them
tried to trade them in
for physical mistakes
it didn’t work

I didn’t change.
and I saw you
and you haven’t

that makes it harder.

I am the same me
a million hundred miles far
and I love the same you
only more than before
because I’m gone from high school
pushing on adulthood
innovation, logic, original thought
and 1,700 new faces
failed to erase you.

I will admit it once.
I’m taking a risk, so
please don’t trample me

Por favor

It’s not any easier than it was three years ago
when you told me you loved me
and I said you needed mental help
and ran away
and hid
and banged my head against a gym locker
and couldn't think of anything else to say
because i’m stupid and stubborn

and afraid of rejection
and wise beyond my years
except when it matters..

But theres one thing i’ve realized
against my will
and without a shadow of a doubt


will ever compare to you
in my eyes.

(That is all.)

The author's comments:
Just a reflection a few months after coming to college--not everyone is so easily replaced.

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