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My sun

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My hero like the sun in the sky
Always lingering nearby
Always watching out for me
Never failing to brighten up my day
You take my breath away
The way you smile
The way you laugh
I can feel your love
In the way you hug
Your never in any rush
You always take the time to listen
You're my sun
clearing the clouds,
melting the snow
Showing me the path
Talking me through the rough times
and enjoying the good times
I always look up to you
I always need your advice
You're my friend, one of my best
But better yet, You're my Big Sister
And I love you, not just a little, not just some of the time
I love you like the stars love the sky
I love you to the end of the earth, and back again
You never doubt me
You're my daisy in a field of dandy lions
You're not like anyone I’ve ever met
You have that special touch,
that special sparkle in your eye
I couldn't replace you
And I don't know what I would do without you
I love you





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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

XxDream_in_ColorxX said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm

In the line, "Your never in any rush",  "Your" should be "You're".

I think it was a little bit awkward how in some places it rhymed and in others it didn't.

It was a really sweet poem though.  I love how somebody out there actually writes something loving for somebody other than for their girl/boyfriend.  Haha

 
juliachase. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I know, the more I read it the more I can see that. Thanks for the feedback, it helps.
 
gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Okay, so this is really sweet and has a great use of figurative language. Sometimes the rhyme was a little off, like in the beginning (sky and nearby sounded a little awkward together) and it's never really a great idea to end two lines with the same word, and in other places it was awkwardly broken up, but keep writing!
 
juliachase. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Thank you, constructive criticism is always welcomed. I willl.
 
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