what would happen
if I died
it is a silly question
to ask if you would mind
but
would you shake your head
and slump your shoulders
and rap your knuckles on the table
or would you close the door
and hide
and cry for me
for the first time
I have cried for you so many times
would you feel the shock
the pain
or would it be dull
would you go throw the book at the wall
and pound the glass doors
with your fists
and yell yourself hoarse
into your pillow
or
would you be astounded
sorry
relieved
relieved that I couldn't find you any more
would you feel bad
that you were relieved
or am I wrong
would you come to my funeral
and kiss my closed eyelids
and smooth my hair
off my cold forehead
and
in disbelief
think back to when my cheeks
were flushed
and close to yours
and when my eyes
were wide
and bright
and I would curl up
against your back
and you would turn away
would you think of that
or would you think
of baking pie in the kitchen
on a summer afternoon
or would you think at all
would you just accept it
and forget
would I be on your mind
the next time you kissed
somebody else
would you miss me
and
how would you remember me
in a gold frame with a silver veil
or scornful
ashamed
would you feel regret
that maybe
someday
you would have chosen me
after all
would you quake and moan with grief
but then move on
a frozen memory
never to age or wrinkle
an ideal
to look back on late at night
and regret
that you never
loved me back
this is all hypothetical
of course