pain & love.

December 7, 2010
In my mind, I hear the never-ending echoes of the tapping on the glass.
A blank stare on an expressionless face, eyes full of a story.
The glass feels cold on my fingertips, my breathing blurs the images.
I slowly breathe in, breathe out.
My mind races, yet I think of nothing.
My mouth moves, yet I can’t speak a word.
I trace a finger along the glass again, tracing, tracing.
Tracing won’t stop, the glass has built itself to surround me.
I press my face against it and peer out beyond the thick walls.
I see pain, hurting and tears, on it’s knees, begging.
I see it’s arms reaching out to me, grasping onto nothing.
I hear the muffled sounds of gasping for a life.
The eyes won’t look up from the ground, buried into a pair of frail hands.
I hear cries for help, I can’t make out the words.
I’m pounding on the glass now, my eyes hot and welling up.
I need to escape, to get out, to help.
My breathing turns hard, turns heavy, I find myself in a panic.
I’m scurrying around now, searching for a way out, I can’t let pain continue.
My fingers come across something, a keyhole.
My heart skips a beat.
I shout through it, with all my might.
Pain is becoming worse, I watch it lie down to rest.
It’s seeking something, a relief.
It needs my arms, my voice, my comfort.
As I scan the image, I spot a glistening in the darkness
Next to pain, a key.
Pain now has the power to free me, and be freed.
I want nothing more than this freedom.
I need to gather pain in my arms and dry the tears.
I shout, I shout through the tiny keyhole, calling out to it.
The eyes of pain begin to move, to lift themselves.
They begin to search.
They find a voice.
The eyes.
The empty, needy eyes meet mine and I lose my breath.
I feel a piece of myself is torn and lies in wait to be fixed back up.
I see my own reflection in the eyes of agony.
I can’t see through my tears now, I am scraping at the glass.
My heart pounds against my chest, sweat drops down my forehead, heavy breathing.
The frail, weak hand begins to move.
It reaches for the key.
I watch close. So close, my lashes brush against the glass.
I need to be let out of these walls!
The fingers carefully wrap around the key.
I let out a choked laugh, I smile.
I call out to it, it looks dead into my eyes.
I point at the keyhole, gasping. Begging.
It takes a moment, it examines me.
It’s eyes are pure darkness, hollow.
I can hear my heart like a drum.
It seems like forever has passed as we stare into each other, I shiver.
My eyes are begging, my whole body is begging.
I am offering my all, my everything, to save it.
A single tear escapes the darkness of the eye of pain.
It drags the key over to itself first.
Then, like a spring, it sends the key flying across the floor.
In the opposite direction, into the darkness, far from us.
I cannot see it.
I drop to the floor in disbelief, I finally let out a scream.
I’m kicking the glass now, with all of my might.
I cannot look at what’s outside.
I cannot bear the agonizing cry of loneliness, so lost.
I plug my ears with my palms and scream, my eyelids press together.
My tears are burning, streaming onto my lips.
I bang the glass until I lose my strength.
I collapse, I lose my voice.
The walls, they are coming in closer.
There isn’t so much room for me.
I stop and listen to my heart, it is now loud enough to drown out the noise outside.
The wailing, the crying, the pleas.
I take one slow look out again, turning my head so slowly.
There’s breath on my glass again, not only my own.
Pain crawls closer, desperate.
My heart is on the verge of climax, it won’t fit in my chest anymore.
Pain places it’s hand on the glass, I watch.
I reach up with all my strength.
I match my palm to it’s palm through the glass, it cracks.
A power surges into my arm up to my heart, I can no longer feel my own body.
I reach into my chest, into my flesh, through bone, I rip through it.
I wrap my hand around my heart, fully alive, and I tear it out.
I watch it pulsate in my hand, blood pours down my arm.
It is so big, so rich in scarlet color.
It drips with the purest of love.
I get on my knees and force it through the keyhole, it’s only way out.
I watch it fall to the ground right next to pain.
It is torn up, scraped, still beating.
In my eyes, hope sparkles.
I look at pain, I beg it to take my heart.
I watch in anticipation, wheezing.
I cough up crimson love, it bubbles in my throat.
I cough up what is left of me.
Pain stares at the pounding mass of veiny love,
Staining the ground a deep red.
The heart beats begin to slow.
Pain shuts it’s eyes.
I beg…”Please…please…take it, you won’t hurt anymore…”
Once more, the bony fingers slide up closer.
They become stained with a hint of love.
Pain twitches, jumps. The shock of love is overwhelming.
It grabs the heart, digging it’s nails into it, holding on as if it were falling.
It gasps for air, it begins to gain color, gain life.
It begins to experience emotion, depth.
The eyes become a light, such mystery.
I watch in awe at the beauty of metamorphosis,
As I trace with my fingers the empty place in my chest.
I gaze at the ceiling of my glass dungeon, it’s close now.
It almost touches the tip of my nose.
My knees slowly bend to adjust to the walls.
Looking up, I see a light break.
I see a spill of color.
I know what this is.
I see my first sunrise.
Pain sees it, too. I see the reflection in it’s eyes.
We both shed a new tear, we both become engulfed in warmth.
The colors take my breath away, part of me melts into the glass.
I laugh. I cry.
Pain transitions now, into beauty.
A butterfly from it’s cocoon, a newborn baby laughs.
The sun sets.
I look out again, the sunrise plays over and over in my mind, a memory.
I see beauty now, it’s fingers wrapped tightly around love.
It picks up the heart, and holds it close.
It closes it’s beautiful eyes.
After a silence, it hangs it’s head.
With all it’s might, it throws the heart into the glass before my face.
I wince in agony, watching love slide down the glass so ugly.
Behind it, beauty becomes pain.
I scream my final scream, it echoes.
I listen the final time to whimpers for help.
I feel it crawl away.
I take a last look at the torn strips and pieces of shattered love, oozing color next to me.
Such beauty.
Beauty of a love so big.
It cannot rest inside of me,
It has no place to go.
My eyelids flutter, then shut.
My scream still echoes.
My love has no place to go.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback