Slow Death

December 5, 2010
By , jersey city, NJ
Called my mom today.
Sounded like she was upset.
Found out that she's been crying thinking I hate her.
Told her I love her.
She's still crying, having anxiety attacks, and not eating. 

Found my dad sitting on the couch lights off.
Tea cup and cat on his lap.
Face expressionless and broken.
Same face the past sixteen years.
House a mess and uncleaned.
Me, not knowing what to do.

Started crying in the shower this morning.
Heavy with thoughts of loved ones.
Thoughts of myself and what I'm worth.
What can I do?
Why do they feel like this?
How can I help?
Why do I have to be so useless?
Do I share the same curse of this genetic timeless tornado of insanity?
Have I already come to the insanity?

I'm still in the shower.
I realize I am in that timeless tornado.
I have been in it my entire life.
Killing; eating; skinning me alive.
Destroying me from the core of my mind and soul.
With no escape.

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