Sweet Last Words This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

November 22, 2010
There is nothing we can do, I am so sorry
We tried very hard, it has spread just way too far
He walks away from the news and into her room
She lay in the bed, blankets up to her chest
She lays as peaceful as can be
He watches her rest, then looks on at the floor
at least he wishes she was just resting
She shifts her head slowly for one last glance
She slowly rolls her hand out from under the covers
and she turns her head to face him, he looks in her eyes
He takes her hand softly, turns and kisses her hand
and then he pulls in closer to her
she asks him to come closer to her
him comes as close as he can and leans in
and she whispers one last thing
softly in his ear, he tilts his head down
her head falls softly to the down pillow
her arm drops limp, her eyes slowly shut
he says to her "I Love You Too", her last breathe leaves

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autumntate2015 said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 9:12 pm
You are very redundant. Try not to repeat each sentence with the next one. Also i think this is more like a short story or story fragmnt instead of a poem. It is easy to follow the actions that are taking place. But you should also use more symbolism to make the reader think. Good luck.
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