Growing Gills

November 19, 2010
By NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky


Down I plunge into the ocean
Of crashing thoughts and rising lies
Murky water appeared shallow
But tries to deliver me to my demise

I tread water endlessly
Trying to avoid my inevitable drown
I know my efforts are in vain
And so I cry- and so I break down

Submerged beneath the water’s surface
My gasping mouth leaves the fresh air
Die- or learn to breathe
The pure essence of despair

Swallow salty seawater
Embrace the poison in my life
Lap it up, acquire taste
For being cut with my own knife

The pain felt by my mind’s nerves
Has been monumental and obscene
Far worse than what you’ve been through
In the darkest of your childhood dreams

Your sorry eyes gaze down upon me
Sympathy spills form your mouth
But now that I see the pain through retrospect
I’m thankful for that trip down south

This ordeal has given me knowledge
I would’ve never acquired before
Experience I’d have never obtained
Had I stayed safe upon the shore


The author's comments:
Very personal.

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This article has 3 comments.


pinkowl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 26 2012 at 11:41 pm
pinkowl BRONZE, Tyrone, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
Jeremiah 29:11

love the use of vivid images!

on Apr. 22 2011 at 7:07 am
lucybrown SILVER, Blacksburg, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. ~ From Doctor Who

Wow this is really good!  I've never been able to write rhyming poems very well, free verse is more of my thing.  :)

This flowed really well, and I liked your word choices.  There were just the right amount of complex words, just the right amount of simple ones, I thought. 

There also seems to be a metaphor of some sort to me, I'm not too sure though.  I like the way it makes you think.

In the 2nd stanza though, on the last verse, I think it would sound better if it read, "And so I cry-and I break down." getting rid of the second 'so.'

That's just an idea though, it just kind of disturbed the flow for me when I was reading.  :)

But other than that, great job!  Keep writing!


tcgleek said...
on Feb. 17 2011 at 12:05 pm
Very nice! Well written... it gave me chills!




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