The First Step to Healing

November 24, 2010
By , New York, NY
I should have seen it coming when he requested me on Facebook.
I should have looked at his profile and tried to get to know what he was all about
I should have known he wouldnt be the average kid by the looks of all his piercings and makeup
I should have listened to the warnings of my friends who knew he wasn’t good.
I should have also seen it written on his face that he only wanted something else.
I should have known, that if it weren’t for me doing all of these stupid things that I would be writing this poem right now.
I also should have seen it coming when he brought up that dreaded subject and the way he did everything;

The way he spoke to me made me want to throw up.
The way he used to treat me made me want to run and hide
The way he acted made me want to roll my eyes and tell him he wasn’t as great as he thought
The way he walked, made me want to kick him so he would just walk like a normal person.
The way he put his hands on me made me want to melt into the floor and escape.
The way he threatened to kill himself every time I even brought up the idea of breaking up made me gag as if I were watching the worlds cheesiest movie.

I try though you know? God knows I tried….
I tried to run and hide every time he laid a hand on me
I tried acting like I didn’t care about the way he acted.
I tried coping with the pain of thinking that the both of us may not be alright as individuals.
I tried getting away from him and giving him all the signals that I didn’t want anything to do with him when he forced me to do things I didn’t want to do.

I wanted everything to just go away.
I wanted him to stop lying and tell the truth for once about something.
I wanted him to stop hurting me the way he hurt the others.
I wanted him to know that I wasn’t just another stupid girl.

I want him to know the damage that he has done to me and my life
I want him and the painful memories that I have gotten to just die.
I want him to stop hurting others and know that what he is and was doing is wrong.
I want to believe that it wasn’t my fault
I want to believe that I’m ok
I want to believe that this wont happen again.
I want to get better.

He should have seen the way he hurt me and that I tried and want, and wanted him to stop.
But he didn’t
And he doesn’t.
I am excepting the fact that I can’t do anything about him and his knowledge and understanding, but what I can do is help myself.
I can
I will
that really is, the first step to healing

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback