My Last Words To You, Christina

November 21, 2010
By Anonymous

I watched an assembly today ma
It was about smoking ma
I couldn’t stop thinking about you ma
Your whole life flashed before my eyes ma
I just wish you would die ma.

I wanted to cry ma
That whole presentation was about you ma
Why cant you just get cancer already ma?
But do I want you to suffer from cancer?
No ma
I don’t ma
I didn’t chose this life for you ma
You chose it for yourself ma.

I just want to stay up with you ma
Stay up late with you ma
Have a midnight snack with you ma
Do things normal mothers and daughters do ma
But you’re not here ma
You’re not here for me ma
Or is the real truth that im not there for you ma
But I can’t be there for you ma
I tried ma
I really tried ma
But I can’t help you ma
I can’t help the people that don’t even want to help themselves ma.

I wish you would bounce back ma
I wish you would wake up ma
Wish you would realize your addiction ma
Wish you would own up to your addiction ma
Wish you would realize
And apologize for what you’ve put me through ma.

I just wish you were a ma
I wish you loved me ma
Even if you already do
I wish you showed me that you love me ma
I wish that I could believe that you loved me ma.

I wish you were here ma
I wish you were in my life ma
I wish you were in my life as a mother
I wish you weren’t an addict ma
I wish ma . . .

I miss you ma
To me you’re dead ma
You’re not here anymore ma
Not here anymore ma.

You don’t know your child ma
And I don’t know my mother
You’re a stranger to me ma
A stranger doesn’t mean anything to anyone
And you’re a stranger to me ma.
Who are you ma?
Ill never know you ma
Never ever know you ma.

I wish I could go shopping with you ma
I wish I could get my nails done with you ma
I wish I could get my hair done with you ma
I wish you took interest in me ma
But your only interest is the next time you’re going to get drunk ma
Or get high ma
That seems to be your only interest ma.

I wish we could have a movie marathon mom
Scary movies mom
Do you remember that day we watched Halloween H20 mom?
My brother and sister had to leave the room mom
They were too scared mom
Which just left me and you mom
Just me and you mom.

Do you miss me mom?
Do you wish we had a relationship mom?
Would you do anything for me mom?
Just kidding mom
You wouldn’t mom
Cause you’re an addict mom
And you can’t quit for me mom
Cant even quit to get your life back on track mom
We lost you mom
You’re far gone mom
Never coming back mom
Never coming back mom.

You ruined your life mom
What you had was good mom
And you ruined it mom.

You’re a waste of a life mom
To me that’s all you are anymore mom.

I have nightmares about you mom
You overdosed mom
You stabbed yourself through the neck once mom
I tried to stop you mom
But you stabbed me too mom.

You’re crazy mom
Im embarrassed to call you mom
Well no more mom
Goodbye mom
Stranger you are now in my life Christina.

I wish you weren’t a drunk mom
I wish you never abused me mom
I wish I wasn’t hopeless mom
But really mom
I’ve hit reality mom
You’re far past help mom.

I wish I could help you ma
I wish I could change you ma
I wish we could switch lives ma
I wish I could fight your addiction for you ma.

Your efforts are pathetic ma
No just kidding ma
You have no efforts ma
You going to AA meetings ma?
I doubt you are ma
You get a different therapist yet ma?
I doubt you did ma
You need a new one ma
Your therapist now is a psycho
A psycho ma
She even needs help ma
She called us brats ma
She called your own two daughters brats ma
You agreed with her ma
You don’t see something wrong with that ma?

Who are you ma?
I don’t know you ma
What was your occupation ma?
Did you like to work ma?
Did you love your job ma?
I’ve never had a real conversation with you ma.

You’re immature ma
You wear your heart on your sleeve ma
You ruined my childhood ma
You didn’t raise me ma
I raised you ma
I’m more of an adult then you are ma
You don’t see something wrong with that ma?

I never looked up to you ma
I’ve always looked down on you ma.

Your brother is in a hospice hospital ma
There is nothing more they can do for him ma
He has cirrhosis of the liver ma
He was an addict ma
An addict just like you are ma
Look at him ma
He is dying ma
Do you want to end up like him ma?
Well just keep drinking and you will ma
Keep popping pills and you will ma.

I saw a picture of you in your graduation gown ma
You were a beautiful young woman ma
What happened to you ma?
The drugs are getting to you ma.

I saw a picture of you when you were pregnant with me mom
Did you ever look down at your belly mom?
Look down at your belly and talk to it mom
While I was in your belly mom
Did you ever look down at it and say I love you
Did you mom?
Did you ever do that mom?

I wish you could make my lunch ma
But too bad you’re not here ma
I wish you were at rehab ma
But too bad you’re still drunk off your fucking ass ma.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger mom
Your not literally dead mom
But you have weakened mom
You have no strength mom.

Your dad was real psychopathic jerk ma
He was a screw up ma
You followed in his footsteps ma.

He abused you ma
Those nightmares need to stop ma
The ones about your dad
Have you even told your therapist about them ma?
Or are you still in denial ma?

Its harsh ma
But you need to get over it ma
You need to stop drinking because of it ma.

If I was sexually abused ma
Just like you ma
I would need intensive care ma
But I wouldn’t need it when I was 40 ma
I would have worked through it by then ma
And I guess that’s the difference between me and you ma.

Your mom died ma
She is dead ma
It’s been eleven years ma
Get over it already ma
You’ve been putting her before your own children ma
Even though she’s dead ma
That’s what you’re doing ma.

Your mothers’ death led to your drinking ma
Your addiction comes before your children ma
And you don’t see a problem with that ma?

You could have gotten stronger from that shit ma
But you chose to wither and die from it ma
Die on the inside ma.

The world doesn’t know you mom
Cause you don’t know anyone mom
You have no friend’s mom
You lost your closest friends mom
Because of your addiction mom
And you don’t see a problem with that mom?

You lost everything you’ve ever had mom
And you’ve done nothing to fix it mom
I guess it’s not worth fixing mom
Or at least that’s what you’re acting like mom
That’s the message I'm getting from you mom.

I no longer cry for you ma
Ha that’s a joke ma
I wish it were true though ma
Cause most of my tears are shed for you ma.

Somewhere deep down ma
Deep deep down ma
I thank you ma
Because what you did to me ma
The stuff you did to me ma
The stuff you put me through ma
Made me the person I am today ma
You made me strong ma
I was able to live through your addiction ma
You’ve taught me to grow up ma
I’m mature now ma
Mature beyond my year’s ma
But you can’t ever be here to see that ma.

You’re a hole in my heart mom
No there is not a place for you in my heart mom
You’re just a hole in it now mom
You’ve lost your spot in my heart mom
You’ve lost your child mom
You lost your peanut mom.

Do you remember giving birth to me ma?
Did you love me from the start ma?
Do you remember raising me ma?
Well I hope you do ma
Cause I don’t remember that ma.

All I remember ma
Is you being drunk every single night ma
Always ending in a fight ma
You cried every single night ma
I heard you over my blasting music ma
The volume was the highest ma
I heard you over that ma
You don’t see a problem with that ma?

You were a wreck mom
You still are a wreck mom
Do you remember that night that you punched me mom?
You punched me in the face mom
But not just one punch mom
No one punch wasn’t good enough for you mom
You threw at least four punches at your eleven-year-old daughters face mom
My sister wasn’t there that night mom
She couldn’t protect me that night mom
She couldn’t protect me from you mom.

I bet you don’t remember that ma
Cause you didn’t remember it the morning after either ma
Why don’t you remember ma?
Well cause you were drunk ma.

Do you remember the night you and my sister got into a fight ma?
You got into a fight every night ma
But that one night where I tried to help ma
It got physical ma
But only when I got there ma
I went to go break it up ma
Try to stop it ma
Try to fix it ma.

I try to fix a lot of things ma
You’re one of the things I try to fix ma
But you’re way beyond repair ma.

Well I went to go break it up ma
I don’t know who pushed first ma
But I know who pushed last ma.

I was walking into my sisters bedroom ma
I was in the little hallway part of her room ma
I was just entering the room ma
When she pushed you ma
I don’t blame her for pushing you ma
I would of done a lot worse to you ma.

Well she pushed you ma
And wait you were drunk yet again on that night ma
You fell on top of me ma
All of your weight ma
I broke your fall ma
Yeah ma
You’re welcome ma.

You just got up and left ma
Left me screaming bloody murder ma
I probably had a concussion ma
But you just got up and walked away ma.

I went into school the next day ma
Went to school with half my face bruised ma
I was in so much pain ma
So much pain ma.

I went to the counselor ma
The 6th grade counselor ma
Cause I didn’t want to do gym ma
I told her what happened ma
She cared more then you did ma
Cause she was sober ma
When that night you were drunk ma.

I had to show the nurse ma
She asked me what happened ma
I didn’t dare to speak a word to her ma
She was worried ma
Half my face was swollen and bruised ma
The half that I fell on ma
She cared more than you did ma
Cause she was sober ma
When that night you were drunk ma.

Every night mom
Every single night mom
You’ve been drunk mom
For the past eleven years now mom
You’ve been drunk mom.

Don’t get me wrong mom
I loved you during the day mom
You were normal during the day mom
But you turned into the devil at night mom
You were a monster at night mom.

And I never got it mom
When I was real young mom
I never understood it mom.

I always knew you had a glass of wine mom
I thought it was normal mom
But I never realized how many glasses of wine you really had mom.

I always smelt the wine on your breath mom
But never the vodka mom
You were good at hiding it mom
Which makes you that much worse of an addict mom.

Do you remember ma?
When you’re twelve-year-old daughter got D.Y.F.S involved ma?
It was the best decision I've ever made ma
Ever made ma.

Do you remember the night we got taken away ma?
I bet you don’t ma
Cause once again you were drunk ma.

Well I remember it like it was yesterday ma
I regretted getting them involved ma
I hated myself ma
I thought I did something really wrong ma
But really ma
You were the one that was doing the wrong shit ma.

Dad always told me I saved you ma
I believed him ma
I thought I saved you mom
But now mom
I have realized that you can’t be saved mom
No one can save you mom
Only you can save yourself mom.

You had a second chance with us mom
You were there for us when dad kicked us out mom
You blew that chance too mom
Now my chances for you are running out mom.

Listen to me mom
You’re a psychopathic liar ma
You’re real sick ma
You need a hell of a lot of help ma.

You tell lies like it’s your job ma
You live like you’re the victim ma
But really your victim days are over ma.

He stopped abusing you ma
Your mom is way past dead now ma
Eleven years past dead now ma.

You can make it through this ma
Even as a victim ma
Even as a victim ma.

I’m the victim of your addiction ma
And I have to say I'm doing pretty well ma
I’m doing pretty good ma
I don’t play the victim role ma
I chose to do better things with my life ma
Then sit back and cry ma
And pity myself ma
I’ve chosen to be bigger then a victim ma
I’m strong ma
But you wouldn’t know that ma
Cause you’re not even here ma
Not even here ma.

Now listen up here mom
Listen up real good mom.

These are my words mom
I am not a brainwashed brat mom
Dad doesn’t hinder my thoughts and feelings towards you mom
Don’t blame him mom
Don’t you dare blame him mom.

Just take the blame mom
For once in your life mom
Just take the blame mom
The blame for the hurt you’ve caused your family mom.

Just admit it mom
You messed up real bad mom
Even though you messed up real bad mom
Doesn’t mean to give up mom.

There is a light at the end of every single tunnel mom
Even at the end of the tunnel you’re in mom
Find the light mom.

Don’t play the victim role anymore more mom
Own up to this stuff mom
Be your own person mom
And start living life mom
Live life to its fullest mom
You only got one life mom
Stop throwing it away mom
Just live it mom
Life is beautiful mom
So start realizing it mom
And just live life to its fullest mom

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