Don't Even Know

November 6, 2010
By Anonymous

They say that I'm angry
They don't even know
When the look on my face
Is all that I show
But inside I'm burning
This fire consumes
The smoke blinds me in rage
And fills up the room
No way to release it
I scream silently
I display my emotions
Almost violently
I cannot hurt others
That would be wrong
And would show all my weakness
When I need to stay strong
My own body's a safe place
To release such anger
When I fight with myself
I feel like a stranger
Unsafe in my presence
But I cannot hide
Uncertainty marks
All the times that I've cried
I am my own best friend
Only I understand
All the feelings I deal with
All the scars on my hand
Some may think my scars
Suggest a painful past
But they're for past, present, future
And pain that will last

The author's comments:
I'm aware of how dramatic and caught-up-in-anger this makes me sound. That's definitely on purpose. At this time I was just fed up with all the feelings inside me that it seemed like I couldn't control. So I resorted again to dealing with them in unhealthy ways. Everyone knew I was angry. And it frustrated me that no one knew HOW MUCH. So I simply gave up on trying to act strong. When I say hurting others would be weaker than hurting myself I'm not acknowledging that dealing with anger in a different wat would really be better.

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