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A subtle sickening aestheticism exists in
Watching your heart being ripped out right in front of your eyes.
Watching salty tears form every night.
Watching your life slipping through your fingers like sand,
becoming a blur, a surreal, mysterious haze.
You’re drowning in deep blue waters,
Instead of treading to stay on the top.
Your limbs are sore, your body is shaken,
Your mind is about to shut down.
Go to sleep, my child, go to sleep.
I will shoo away the vultures that haunt you when you’re awake,
They wont bother you in your dreams.
Dream of love, of flowers, of home.
Dream in vivid color, re-write your story.
Then wake up to a black and white reality.
Slowly turn the pages of your horror novel life.
Scribble out the agonizing words of the monsters in your book
Pretending you don’t care,
Pretending your body’s not churning inside out.
Doodle hearts on the edge of the page,
And wait until it shatters moments later
As an arrow flies right through the fragile sketch.
Follow the heavy words on a page and rip it out,
Only to find it back in the book, teasing you
How it will always be there, to remind you of iniquity,
To remind of the pain those words cause you.
A breath, a precious squeeze of air through your lungs, becomes tight.
The blood rushing through your veins feel cold and still.
Would someone save you?
Would someone save you even if you didn’t let them?
Can they tell you’re slipping,
Holding on to handrails on the way,
Trying to take another step?
Can they tell how excruciating each step is?
Sit on the stairs, take a breath,
Take a well-deserved break.
But for not too long,
Because the monsters will find you again
And watch your eyes tear again.
Then you run, run as fast as your limbs can take you,
Find a safe hiding place from their bullets of words,
Then curl up in a ball and cry.
Just hold on, you’ll make it through.
The tears will end, the monsters will fade away,
Maybe his arms will find your fragile body again
And you’ll fall be in his extended arms,
Relishing in the warmness.
And for the first time,
You won’t want to fall asleep
Because this moment of reality
Will be better than your dreams.