Confusion Un-Edited

"I think I'm in love with my best friend."
those were the words (damn words) that shattered my perfect little wolrd
they were not my words
not yet

in a world where i didn't like boys (still don't)
didn't want love (still don't)
and wanted nothing more than the comfort of printed pages (still do)
i was blind to the danger

she was my danger
unpredictable
how was i supposed to even begin to suspect her
she was just another friend in my puddle of friends

then i stumbled upon those words on Gaia Online (damn site)
and i worried
tired and confused
did i like her?
yes.
more than a friend?
oh, god (who i don't believe in) i don't know

we went out though it didn't feel any different than before
she was my first kiss (it was okay)
my first french kiss (it was slimy)

and she shattered my world
i didn't want anymore
i got out
i wanted safety and comfort and she wasn't it

i hurt her terribly
and i feel terrible 'bout that
and i feel even worse every time i think "why me?"

i want to run
run fast and far
and forget

i want to leave her and her confusion and uncertainty behind and never have to feel that lost again
i don't want to face the accusation in her eyes or the hurt in her words

i don't want to be the one for anyone
because no one is the one for me
(yes, i am a girl)