This Cold Ground

November 18, 2010
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I lay upon this frozen ground.
and slowly cry as my heart pounds.
A falling Star soon passes by, but cold and lifeless i still lie. Your words wont ever leave my head, im falling deeper, yet not dead. A puzzle your heart continues to be, pieces are scattered, some given to me.
Confusion circles all around, yet, still i lay upon the ground.

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alanacarlene said...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Wow I really really like this!!!! 5 stars!!! The only thing I'd do (and this is being very nit-picky) is I'd like separate the lines each line ending with the words that are rhymed! But again that's me being nit-picky lol! Great job the words really flowed! 
Katera replied...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 10:08 pm
thanks!!!! and yea i agree it would have looked better and maybe would have been easier to read. (:
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Yes but! The way you have it is different and not the same ol style the way most everyone else's free verses are like mine haha! Sometimes different is better! You kno what would be cool (just a suggestion) when you type your poem type it into a shape like a cross or circle it'll look cool! Not many ppl do that necause it's not easy! just a suggestion lol and your welcome!
Katera replied...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 12:36 am
thats a really really awesome idea!! i would never have thought of that! 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Yeah I haven't seen it done on TeenInk yet if I may just try to do it! You should too! Challenge yourself! haha
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