effie says she trusts in dreams.

she folds her long legs under
her, leaning forward to look at
me intently from behind her glasses, and
her blue eyes are serious.

effie tells me about the
dream she had last night, and
she tells me that dreams always
mean something, and she
sifts through the events of her dreams to
decipher its meaning and
connect it to her thoughts and emotions.

i look at effie thoughtfully, her
dirty blonde hair cut short and
falling over her eyes as she
leans down to draw a heart
on her arm with a sharpie, and

effie doesn’t think she’s beautiful.

the beauty marks that sprinkle her body
don’t mean beauty to her, and
she regards them as blemishes,
considering them a flaw in her
appearance, but think they’re
unique, and she is beautiful, but
she just picks herself apart.

effie is smart, so she should know that
a girl’s body is sacred but
she doesn’t believe that because
she doesn’t really see herself, and
she’s never woken up feeling beautiful, so
she just gives herself away.

uncertainty in herself gives away to
doubt and shattered innocence,
haunting her mind and
constantly contradicting herself, knowing that
purity never lasts but
kisses should be special and
virginity should be saved.

effie knows her body should be
sacred, not free; but she
has no respect for herself, and
lets them have no respect for her, either.

effie always said that she’d never be
this sort of a person, that
hooking up and drinking and drugs just
wasn’t her style, but
though she smiles alot and
you might think she’s having fun,
i know what she hides with a smile, and
effie isn’t strong.

i’m afraid now because of
who she might become, and
i want her to always be
effie, my best friend, and i
wish she could really see herself because
she really is beautiful and smart and unique and
she is a good friend and a good person.

effie lies crying in a mess of
tears and puked up alcohol, and
i look into her eyes and
i can tell she’s been smoking even
before i can smell the heavy scent of
pot, and effie tells me she
doesn’t remember tonight but she
thinks she regrets it but
wondering who she really is, she
claims she can control herself but
she’s not strong enough to.

effie, you are so much more than this.

effie says she’s okay once she’s
sober, but the pain still
exists under her smile, and
her weakness and vulnerability show as she
obsessively overanalyzes her
thought and actions, constantly
battling herself and her demons so that
she can think of nothing else, and
effie, this isn’t reality but

effie lives in her dreams.