I can see it in my mind, the place I call home
But I have never belonged there
I see the house as I know it, not as is
The place where I sat alone, so scared
When mommy was gone and I wasn’t
When she left me to fend for myself
Where I was broken down, hated
And my needs were put upon a shelf
The drugs, the drink, her escape
But where was I supposed to go
The secrets and all the lies
The things people weren’t supposed to know
I scream for her to notice me, the girl I am
She says that she notices the things that matter
And I know that I’m not on that list
I am the child lost among the clatter
Fighting, yelling, angry words
“I hate you,” she screams to me
Crying, stuttering, I can’t speak
Just my tears for someone to see
Stepdad sees and learns what she has done
He holds me till my tears are gone
Makes her apologize for speaking the truth
The things I have known all along
Eventually he too leaves
Stepping out of my life, becoming free
Away from the woman I know as mom
Forgetting the things he has seen
And I am still in the place I call my home
Amid the chaos of a life collapsed
Wanting a place where I belong
And a way to be rid of the past