November 8, 2010
I am all alone. There is people all around me yet I am all alone. I am in a sea full of little islands. Those islands are groups of kids. Goths emos even nerds have a group. I am in the sea about to drown. Every time i try to swim to an island they only get futher away.

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SpringRayyn said...
Dec. 2, 2010 at 8:05 pm
I like the ending part, but the one sentance that says "Those islands are groups of kids" is one I don't really think is necesarry. Also, just some commas in the sentance telling the few different groups would help the reading and it bugs me a bit that you said "there is" instead of "there are." This is a really good idea though, and with a little more work it could be even better.
shadowfox1996 replied...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Thank you for the feedback!
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