Dear Isaiah

November 8, 2010
By Anonymous

how have you been
i know it's been awhile
since you left me on my bedroom floor
saying you couldn't be with me anymore
no second glance, no last smile

i miss talking to you
i miss your understanding green eyes
i miss your comforting smile
i miss those secret kisses every once in awhile
i miss you holding me through my cries

...what i miss most is when i need someone to talk to, and i still think of you...

how's all your family
i haven't seen them in so long
i miss your mother’s soft portugese accent
i miss you father making me laugh, leaving me content
i miss your sister, and i remember her telling me i am strong

i always found solace going to your house
i thought of it as my second home
i miss the smell of portuguese bread
and the feeling of comfort that i misread
you didn't feel the same way, the grass syndrome...

...i miss you telling me everything will be okay...

when you left, said you'd always love me
you said i'd always be in your heart
and i knew that you'd always be in mine
those words let me go on, saying i’m okay, i’m fine
as i told myself we can't be forever apart

i didn’t see us ever coming to an end
now i know endings exist in every story
i know from the months i spent all alone
that cut me right to the core, to the bone
that happily ever after has no glory

...we never made it to happily ever after...

i shut all the bad memories out
none of it was real to me
and i couldn’t imagine you kissing her
because all i know is how we were
and she’ll never be like me

i didn’t want to remember it all
choosing only to remember the good
i cut out of my mind everything that was bad
but everything was too unbelievalbe and sad
“did that really happen?”...i’ve never understood

...sometimes i still wonder why...

sometimes i still just sit and cry
wondering about the two of you
i admit it, i’m still jealous to the core
i’m still guilty of calling her a w****
and i think about things left unsaid that i wonder if you knew...

sometimes i still blame myself
i still wonder about what i could have done
what i could ever possibly say
that maybe you would have wanted to stay
what it is about me that made you run

...what is it about her...

today i saw the picture of you and her
and i started to break down and cry
you look so happy at last
finally at peace with yourself recast
she's so beautiful and i'll never comply

now i know i can never be with you again
and i’m not asking you to come back
i know we'll never be what we were before
i remember we used to be so much more
but i watched us fade to black...

...just let me have this one last chance to say...

i love you

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