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crushing my fantasy

What if you felt really alone
But you never wanted friends?
What if you felt like dying
But it sort of made you live?
Living in a world
With your mind far away
Unwilling to face reality
Until they crush your fantasy

You tried and you tried
To do what was right
But some artists only see black and white.
So now you can bury yourself alive
In the magic they could never find
What if you're happy when you're sad?
What if the little things make you mad?
The discrepancy's in the lining
The over-dramatized designing

Living for a moment
That will never be
Waiting til' heaven
Living in my dreams.



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AnonyMiss said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 11:35 pm:
i can identify with this poem so well....and the lines "the discrepancy's in the lining/the over-dramatized designing" just has such a nice pattern to it. Great job!
 
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breeeegreen said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 10:44 pm:
i really liked this. i relate and understand this, beautiful poem
 
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DaddiesDoodle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 6:32 pm:

That was really great!! i loved reading it:)

 

 
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wolfpack270 said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 4:45 pm:
I really liked this poem. It makes you think and even if at first you don't think the poem applies to you I think most people will find that there is some part of this poem that they have thought about at some point. The only thing i didn't like was the ending. The last stanza doesn't seem to fit in my opinion, but its not my writing ^_^
 
ImagineWhatItWouldBeLikeToFly replied...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 10:21 pm :
Thanks so much! And thank you for critiquing it, too. When I write, it's usually right before I go to bed or when I'm upset and the words just sort of come out, so whatever I said wasn't planned, it came from my feelings. I appreciate you pointing it out though, because I'd love to improve my writing in any way I can. :)
 
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Tatyana said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm:

this is great

 

 
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melissarose said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 9:39 am:
hi. so these look like some lyrics from mudvayne.... ?
 
ImagineWhatItWouldBeLikeToFly replied...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 10:26 am :
never heard of that :) haha
 
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I_am_the_only_me said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:12 am:
Loved it! :D good job. Keep writing!
 
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