Is this really success?

November 1, 2010
I drown in the ocean of desire,
I get burned away in the fire of malousness.
No, don't try to save me from the consequence,
as I want to know the extent of my callousness.

I get buried under the earth due to low self esteem,
I fly away to be lost in air like ash.
I scatter throughout the floor like marbles,
I burst like an overfilled balloon.

My individuality is receding away like eroded soil,
I an becoming hollow from inside.
Yes I am drenched in success, but it's a toxin,
and it attracts only and only parasites.

All I am left with are rectangular pieces of paper and creeping worms,
and I've lost the ability to recognise my benefactors.
When I look back, I see only transient footprints,
I watch them helplessly being washed away from the tide of my ignorance.

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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Hullo, Dove. It's been quite a while.

I loved the way you described (what I thought to be) the falsity of what most of society is striving to become. I found that the first stanza was the most poetic, and the third stanza the most revealing. The entire poem, together, was grandly stated.


A_shy_dove replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 7:28 am
Hi Raven. Thanks for commenting about my poem. And you have correctly thought about the subject of my poem I have just tried to imagine the mental condition of the so called successful people.
HasntWrittenInAgesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:40 pm
This is freaking awesome captain. They really should throw you in the mag. I am so loving the last line. and the second sentence in the last stanza. it would be conducive for you to do your dance at the time which is now.
A_shy_dove replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:29 am
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou and thankyou. 
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Nov. 16, 2010 at 4:37 pm

I rather like this, it has some seriously awesome lines. Your imagery is incredible in a lot of your lines, as well.

Thank you for sharing :)

A_shy_dove replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 1:51 am
Oh! I should thank you for the praise. Thank you for commenting. You made my day!!!!!!
A_shy_dove replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 1:56 am
would you please tell the names of some of your creations? i'd like to enjoy some of them.
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm

I'd love to :)

Here they are:

Mud stomp The forever war My inspiration. (My generation) Stray thoughts Echoes
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