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Is this really success?

I drown in the ocean of desire,
I get burned away in the fire of malousness.
No, don't try to save me from the consequence,
as I want to know the extent of my callousness.

I get buried under the earth due to low self esteem,
I fly away to be lost in air like ash.
I scatter throughout the floor like marbles,
I burst like an overfilled balloon.

My individuality is receding away like eroded soil,
I an becoming hollow from inside.
Yes I am drenched in success, but it's a toxin,
and it attracts only and only parasites.

All I am left with are rectangular pieces of paper and creeping worms,
and I've lost the ability to recognise my benefactors.
When I look back, I see only transient footprints,
I watch them helplessly being washed away from the tide of my ignorance.



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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Hullo, Dove. It's been quite a while.

I loved the way you described (what I thought to be) the falsity of what most of society is striving to become. I found that the first stanza was the most poetic, and the third stanza the most revealing. The entire poem, together, was grandly stated.

 

 
A_shy_dove replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 7:28 am
Hi Raven. Thanks for commenting about my poem. And you have correctly thought about the subject of my poem I have just tried to imagine the mental condition of the so called successful people.
 
HasntWrittenInAges This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:40 pm
This is freaking awesome captain. They really should throw you in the mag. I am so loving the last line. and the second sentence in the last stanza. it would be conducive for you to do your dance at the time which is now.
 
A_shy_dove replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:29 am
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou and thankyou. 
 
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Nov. 16, 2010 at 4:37 pm

I rather like this, it has some seriously awesome lines. Your imagery is incredible in a lot of your lines, as well.

Thank you for sharing :)

 
A_shy_dove replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 1:51 am
Oh! I should thank you for the praise. Thank you for commenting. You made my day!!!!!!
 
A_shy_dove replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 1:56 am
would you please tell the names of some of your creations? i'd like to enjoy some of them.
 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm

I'd love to :)

Here they are:

Mud stomp The forever war My inspiration. (My generation) Stray thoughts Echoes
 
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