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Disapointment

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You look at me with a false smile
and disappointment in your eye
You give me that “I don’t care tone”
when speaking to me

But then you look at her,
Your eyes glimmer with her reflection
Every word that comes out of your mouth
Every expression overflowing from your face
is filled with her
Filled with her success

Then you speak to me,
But instead of that glorified pitch,
That tone of approval,
You give me this voice,
this new creation of yours
It’s full of disappointment and says
“Why aren’t you her?
Why can’t you act as perfect as her,
walk and talk like her,
or even write like her.”

It yells to me,
yelling shut-up,
I want to listen to her
These words slap me in my face,
And then do it again
And again
And again,
finally when I’m on my knees begging to stop,
They kick me while I’m down,
Slamming my face in the cold hard cement
that is you’re disappointment

Then I draw my head away from your lips
I look into your eyes and see your pupils
rejecting me,
saying get out
Get out of my life,
If you can’t be her,
I don’t want you

Ok maybe I’m saying this because I’m jealous
Because I want her success,
Because I envy her talent
But you don’t help,
you just add to her glory
Add to her success,
intensifying my jealousy,
Slowly filling my eyes with tears,
and they fill
And fill,
And fill,
until they finally burst,
and bleed onto my red cheeks

But every tear I shed,
every word you speak
pick, pick, pick away at my confidence
And now there’s nothing left,
nothing left to pick me up off my feet





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